Jane Actually

young woman who was waiting to open the door for them. “Excuse me, could you take a picture of us?”
    The woman, whose attention was bent on hearing the cue to open the door, was startled.
    “You’re going to go on soon,” she objected.
    Melody gave her a cold look and said, “It’s still the introduction of the person who’s going to introduce Jane.”
    “OK, whatever,” the young woman said, a little unnerved by Melody’s look. Melody took the camera from Tamara, handed it to the woman and gave the requisite instructions. Then Tamara, Melody and Mary quickly arranged themselves, with a space left for Jane between Melody and Mary.
    “If you could just squeeze in a little … oh right.” The young woman suddenly realized who was in the gap. She took the picture and looked at the LCD on the back of the camera, almost expecting to see Jane in the picture.
    “I think that looks good,” she said, and handed the camera back to Tamara, who looked at the picture and saw that it was acceptable.
    “Perfect,” she said, but Melody took the camera from her and without looking handed it back to the young woman.
    “Take another, just to be sure,” she instructed. The woman took the camera but also opened the door to the ballroom and glanced inside to make sure there was still time. Satisfied, she closed the door, and the foursome reassembled. This time Jane actually stood in the gap left for her and the picture was taken.
    Tamara took back the camera, pronounced the photo even better than the previous, and made a show of putting the camera into her purse.
    “OK, I’m going to go inside and find a seat,” Tamara said. “Break a leg, Mary … and you too, Jane.”
    She touched the back of the woman waiting to open the door and asked, “Can you let me in?”
    She was about to object but caught Melody’s glare and opened the door. Tamara slipped inside.
    As soon as she left, Melody started bouncing on her feet, then winced at the pain from her fashionable shoes.
    “Don’t worry, Melody, everything will be fine. This is not our first rodeo,” Jane said, and was delighted at the look on Melody’s face.
    “Oh please, don’t say things like that, Jane,” Melody said with a groan, but smiled regardless.
    Mary tried to smile as well, but suddenly worried at the subterfuge she and Stephen had arranged. She might soon face the wrath of both Jane and Melody.
    “And don’t you let her say something like that, Mary.”
    “I’m just her mouthpiece,” Mary said and shrugged her shoulders.
    “Oh great, the two of you will be the death of me.” Melody then took the terminal from Mary’s arm and clipped it to the back of her dress.
    “Get ready,” their attendant at the door informed them. She put her hand on the door handle and a few second later a knock from the other side alerted her. She turned back to Melody and Mary, nodded, and opened the door for them. Mary entered first and after a pause, Melody entered and turned sharply to find her seat.
    As soon as Mary emerged from the cluster of people who had been waiting at the entrance, the audience began applauding and the camera flashes lit up the room. Mary had enough experience by now to be looking down, rather than risk being blinded, but she was still caught by surprise. The front row was now standing to take pictures and in a slow wave, the rest of the people in the ballroom stood.
    Mary carefully walked to the stage, careful to lift her dress as she climbed the steps. The regional coordinator Cindy Wallace was applauding from behind the lectern and then walked to meet Mary. She stretched out her hand, but then had the idea to offer a curtsey, which Mary returned. Then they clasped hands, to applause. Ms Wallace retreated from the stage and Mary stood there to receive Jane’s applause. She noticed that not everyone stood and that some did not applaud as enthusiastically as others. She also looked to her left and saw a young man wearing headphones who nodded to her and pointed, indicating the wireless microphone she wore was now live.
    Mary nodded her head several times to accept the applause but after a count of ten, she motioned to the audience to sit.
    “Thank you, thank you very much for your warm welcome. It is hard to believe that I now stand before the members of the Jane Austen Society of North America at your Annual General Meeting. Less than a year ago, I was just one of the many billions of disembodied who could not claim their own name,