Jane Actually

George Cruikshank (1792–1878) was a noted caricaturist and book illustrator
    4 A national personification of Great Britain in general, and England in particular
    5 Jacques-Louis David’s
Napoleon Bonaparte, First Consul, crossing the Alps at Great St. Bernard Pass, 20 May 1800
    6 The Reverend George Austen is thought to have written, on the cover of a hand-bound notebook containing Austen’s
Evelyn
and
Catharine, or the Bower
, this inscription: “Effusions of Fancy | by a very Young Lady | Consisting of Tales | in a Style entirely new”
    7 The author of
Bridget Jones’s Diary,
which borrows many elements from
Pride and Prejudice

Yadda, yadda yadda
Jane learns of Melody’s anguish
    “I don’t understand, when did you get a boyfriend?” Melody asked for the third time.
    “That hardly matters, Melody,” Jane said, trying to make her agent understand her displeasure. “Mary had no right to interfere in my …”
    “In your affairs, that’s what you were going to say. For God’s sake, why didn’t you tell me?”
    “Perhaps I feared an overreaction.” Jane said this regretting again that there was no way her computer-generated voice could convey sarcasm.
    “Well I’m sorry if it’s my job to worry about how people will react to the news that Jane Austen has a boyfriend, and has had … how long has this been going on?”
    “There is no this, Melody. Two people of very mature age have entered into a friendship …”
    “How old is he? How do you know anything about him? Who else knows about this?”
    Jane paused before answering, a little alarmed at how flushed her friend had become.
    “You’re becoming overexcited, Melody. Please sit down. I think you’re supposed to breathe into a paper bag before you faint.”
    Melody realized that she was indeed feeling faint, but she thought she had good reason.
What if Albert’s some poseur twenty something? What if he’s really a woman? What if he’s not even dead?
    That last thought, at least, restored some sanity. Surely, she reasoned, Jane would be able to know whether the man were dead. His AfterNet profile would confirm that.
    “What’s his name again?”
    “Albert, Albert Ridings, and I can assure you that Albert is a gentleman and that he died during the Great War.”
    “Does he have a verified identity?”
    “No, he does not, but we can hardly hold that against him, can we? And we have been friends these past four years. And no one knows of us apart from you, Mary … and apparently Stephen.”
    “Who’s Stephen?”
    “That is Mary’s boyfriend … the young man who asked the question for Albert. You have met him—Dr Davis’s graduate student.”
    That information hardly reassured Melody. Instead it reminded her that she had only navigated one crisis to be met with another.
    “Wait, why do you want to fire Mary? Which is completely ridiculous, by the way.”
    “And why is that?” Jane asked.
    “Well first, she’s your best friend and …”
    “No, you’re my best friend. Mary is an employee.”
    “An employee to whom we have offered a five-year contract and who the public has come to accept as you. We can hardly fire her and besides, you’ll regret it.”
    Melody finally sat on the edge of the bed in Mary’s hotel room. Mary was in Melody’s bedroom to escape Jane’s wrath, while Jane vented her anger to Melody.
    “You do look unwell,” Jane commented, her anger blunted. “Is it your heartburn?” She suddenly feared it might be more serious as she watched her friend sink in on herself. But suddenly, Melody exclaimed, “No, it’s your stupidity, Jane. If you have a chance at happiness, why won’t you take it?”
    This reaction surprised Jane. “But just a moment ago, I thought …”
    “Then I was thinking like your agent—and you caught me by surprise—but now I’m thinking like your friend. If you actually love this man …”
    “Love? Who said anything of love?”
    “Oh be real. You just had a lover’s quarrel in front of a thousand people.”
    “So like Mary you presume to tell me what to do.”
    “Yes, and I’m telling you you’re an idiot if you don’t hold on to love.” As she said this, she looked down and Jane realized it was to hide her tears. This alarmed Jane much more than any health fears she might have for Melody.
    “Melody, what’s wrong?” Melody tried to turn her head away, but not knowing Jane’s location, failed.
    “It’s nothing, I’m just tired.”
    “You’re tired? Now