Jane Eyre

repress them, because I knew he would not like to see me weep. Now, however, I considered it well to let them flow as freely and as long as they liked. If the flood annoyed him, so much the better. So I gave way and cried heartily.
    Soon I heard him earnestly entreating me to be composed. I said I could not while he was in such a passion.
    »But I am not angry, Jane: I only love you too well; and you had steeled your little pale face with such a resolute, frozen look, I could not endure it. Hush, now, and wipe your eyes.«
    His softened voice announced that he was subdued; so I, in my turn, became calm. Now he made an effort to rest his head on my shoulder: but I would not permit it. Then he would draw me to him: no.
    »Jane! Jane!« he said – in such an accent of bitter sadness, it thrilled along every nerve I had; »you don't love me, then? It was only my station, and the rank of my wife, that you valued? Now that you think me disqualified to become your husband, you recoil from my touch as if I were some toad or ape.«
    These words cut me: yet what could I do or say? I ought probably to have done or said nothing: but I was so tortured by a sense of remorse at thus hurting his feelings, I could not control the wish to drop balm where I had wounded.
    »I
do
love you,« I said, »more than ever: but I must not show or indulge the feeling: and this is the last time I must express it.«
    »The last time, Jane! What! do you think you can live with me, and see me daily, and yet, if you still love me, be always cold and distant?«
    »No, sir; that I am certain I could not; and therefore I see there is but one way: but you will be furious if I mention it.«
    »Oh, mention it! If I storm, you have the art of weeping.«
    »Mr. Rochester, I must leave you.«
    »For how long, Jane? For a few minutes, while you smooth your hair – which is somewhat dishevelled; and bathe your face – which looks feverish?«
    »I must leave Adèle and Thornfield. I must part with you for my whole life: I must begin a new existence amongst strange faces and strange scenes.«
    »Of course: I told you you should. I pass over the madness about parting from me. You mean you must become a part of me. As to the new existence, it is all right: you shall yet be my wife: I am not married. You shall be Mrs. Rochester – both virtually and nominally. I shall keep only to you so long as you and I live. You shall go to a place I have in the south of France: a white-washed villa on the shores of the Mediterranean. There you shall live a happy, and guarded, and most innocent life. Never fear that I wish to lure you into error – to make you my mistress. Why do you shake your head? Jane, you must be reasonable; or in truth I shall again become frantic.«
    His voice and hand quivered: his large nostrils dilated; his eye blazed: still I dared to speak: –
    »Sir, your wife is living: that is a fact acknowledged this morning by yourself. If I lived with you as you desire, I should then be your mistress: to say otherwise is sophistical – is false.«
    »Jane, I am not a gentle-tempered man – you forget that: I am not long-enduring; I am not cool and dispassionate. Out of pity to me and yourself, put your finger on my pulse, feel how it throbs, and – beware!«
    He bared his wrist, and offered it to me: the blood was forsaking his cheek and lips, they were growing livid; I was distressed on all hands. To agitate him thus deeply, by a resistance he so abhorred, was cruel: to yield was out of the question. I did what human beings do instinctively when they are driven to utter extremity – looked for aid to one higher than man: the words »God help me!« burst involuntarily from my lips.
    »I am a fool!« cried Mr. Rochester, suddenly. »I keep telling her I am not married, and do not explain to her why. I forget she knows nothing of the character of that woman, or of the circumstances attending my infernal union with her. Oh, I am certain Jane will agree with me in opinion, when she knows all that I know! Just put your hand in mine, Janet – that I may have the evidence of touch as well as sight, to prove you are near me – and I will in a few words show you the real state of the case. Can you listen to me?«
    »Yes, sir; for hours if you will.«
    »I ask only minutes. Jane, did you ever hear, or know, that I was not the eldest son of my house: that I had once a brother older than I?«
    »I remember Mrs. Fairfax told me so once.«
    »And did you ever hear