Kissed a Sad Goodbye

anything?”
    “Just some soup, I think, to keep you company. Is it the fish cakes, then?”
    When she nodded, he got up again and gave their order at the bar. “There’s a proper restaurant upstairs,” he told her as he returned. “But I’m glad they’ve left the pub a pub. There ought to be some immutable things in the world, don’t you think?”
    “Reg, I-”
    “I’m sorry I buggered off this afternoon after the solicitor. I shouldn’t have, leaving you on your own like that.”
    “Oh, no.” She shook her head. “It was quite all right, really. It’s just that I was a bit worried about you, when you didn’t come back to the office.”
    “As if you hadn’t enough to deal with.” He looked at her, his face still for the first time, and after a moment added, “I have been a washout these last few days, haven’t I? I just can’t seem to stick it.”
    Teresa blinked, surprised by such a personal admission. He had been quite useless at the office, if she were to be brutal about it, seemingly unable to manage tasks that he could ordinarily do without batting an eye. But she’d no idea how she would cope if she were in his position, and she knew people reacted differently to grief. Her own response had been to buckle down to the job, because it was the concentration that kept her going.
    In the end, she didn’t deny his failures, but said, “Reg, if there’s anything I can do to help—”
    “You’ve been a peach as it is.” He reached out and touched his fingers to her cheek. Suddenly very aware of his legs against hers, and of her response, she flushed with embarrassment, but didn’t withdraw her knees. It was wicked of her to hope, even, that he found her attractive, but she’d discovered that knowing the wrongness of it didn’t make the feelings go away.
    The waitress arrived with their order, relieving Teresa of the necessity of responding to his comment. Rather to her surprise, she discovered that, in spite of everything, she was ravenous. The fish cakes were as good as Reg had promised and she tucked into them with enthusiasm.
    He watched her, smiling, while he toyed with his soup, and when she’d finished he said, “Good girl. Couldn’t have you wasting away to nothing—where would Hammond’s be without you?”
    The fears she’d managed to hold at bay the past few days clutched at her. “Reg, what are we going to do? Already, I’m finding things I don’t know how to handle—I can’t guess what Annabelle would have done—”
    “Use your own judgment. Annabelle trusted you—it’s time you trusted yourself.”
    “But I haven’t the authority,” she protested. “And the business was precarious enough even with Annabelle in charge.”
    “You know what we have to do—”
    “We can’t. Not now—”
    “Then we had bloody well better find a way!”
    Shocked at the savagery of his tone, she stared at him, until he raised his hand and touched her cheek again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Let’s not talk about it tonight. I meant you to have a break from it all.”
    “Reg... There’s more wrong, isn’t there? It’s not just Annabelle dying— Though there couldn’t be anything worse... could there?”
    “How could there possibly be anything worse?” He stood up abruptly. “Let’s go outside. I’ll get us another round.”
    She stood and followed him out onto the veranda. The sky was mottled a soft rose with the remnants of the sunset, and on the south side of the river lights twinkled in the renovated warehouses of Rotherhithe.
    They stepped to the railing, and when she looked to the east she saw the revolving beacon atop Canada Tower. She turned away, her back to the river. She desperately wanted to forget the Island, even for just a short time, imagine another life altogether. On a bench at the side of the veranda a couple sat intertwined, the woman half in the man’s lap, their faces inches apart, and Teresa felt a stab of envy. Why shouldn’t she, for once, be the object of someone’s desire? Why should she always be the one on the sidelines?
    Beside her, Reg said, “I am sorry. It’s just that I don’t want to think tonight. Does that sound horribly callous of me, to wish I could be someone else for an hour or two?”
    “No. I was thinking the same thing, but I was ashamed to admit it.”
    “Were you?” His arm brushed against hers as he moved closer; she could feel the warmth of his body protecting her from the small breeze