Lexicon

stared at him.
    “I’m sorry,” he said.
    She shuffled closer. She touched his white shirt. She had spent a lot of time imagining taking off this shirt. “I won’t tell anyone.” She stroked his chest through the fabric. Then his hand closed on hers.
    “I’m sorry,” he said.
    • • •
    “What’s with the fraternization rule?” she asked Eliot. She wandered about his office, fingering books, being casual. Eliot looked up from his papers. Originally, Emily had been going to ask,
Why can’t we have sex
. Because, just once, she would like to see Eliot surprised or offended. Or anything, really. Just to prove that he was human. But then she lost her nerve.
    “Students aren’t permitted to enter relationships with each another.”
    “I know what it is. I’m asking
why
.”
    “You know why.”
    She sighed. “Because if you let someone know you well, they can persuade you. But that’s incredibly cold, Eliot.” She went to the window. Outside, she watched a sparrow hop across the slate roof. “That’s no way to live.” He didn’t reply. “Are you saying, for the rest of my life, I can’t have a relationship with an organization person?”
    “Yes.”
    “Do you appreciate how dull that is?” Eliot didn’t react. “And what about . . . you know, purely physical relationships?”
    “It’s no different.”
    “It’s completely different. Relationships, okay, I get it. But not for just sex.”
    “There is no ‘just sex.’ It’s called intimacy for a reason.”
    “That’s one word,” she protested. “Coincidence.”
    “‘And the man knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain.’ Note the use of the word
knew
in this context.”
    “That’s from three thousand years ago. You’re talking about the Bible.”
    “Exactly. The concept is not new.”
    She shook her head, frustrated. “Have you ever done it?”
    “Done what?”
    “Broken the rule,” she said. “Fraternized.”
    “No.”
    “I don’t believe you.” She did. She was just pushing. “You must have thought about it. What about with Charlotte? There’s something going on with you guys. Your feet always point toward her. And she goes very still around you. It’s like when we’re acting up in class and she’s trying not to get pissed. She goes still when she’s trying to control her emotions.”
    “I need to get some work done, if you don’t mind.” He sounded completely unruffled.
    “I think Charlotte wants to fraternize with you,” Emily said. “Badly.”
    “Out.”
    “I’m going!” She left. She was more frustrated than ever.
    • • •
    She turned eighteen. She lay in bed awhile, thinking about what that meant. Anything? She got up and went to class and of course nobody knew. At lunch, she walked to the 7-Eleven with Jeremy and debated telling him the whole way. Finally, while filling her slushie, she said, “I’m eighteen today.”
    He looked surprised. This was the kind of information you were not supposed to share. “I didn’t get you anything.”
    “I know. I just wanted to tell you.”
    He was silent. They walked to the front of the store. She smiled at the man behind the counter. “It’s my birthday today.”
    “Oh my goodness.”
    “Finally free.” She leaned across the counter, grinning. “Free to give a long and happy life.”
    “I tell you what,” he said. “I give you the slushie for free.”
    “Oh, no,” she said.
    “Happy birthday.” He pushed it across to her. “You are a good girl.”
    As they left the store, Jeremy seized her arm. “‘
Give a happy life? Finally free?
’”
    She smiled, but he was serious. He steered her to a bench beside the road and sat her on it and stood there, glowering. She felt a tickle in her stomach, simultaneously sickening and thrilling. “You can’t do that.”
    “I got a slushie. One free slushie.”
    “It’s a serious breach of the rules.”
    “Come on. Like
word suggestion
is even a real technique. I bet it’s nothing compared to what you can do.”
    “That’s not the point.”
    “Is this because he gave me a present and you didn’t?”
    “You think the rules don’t apply to you? They do. You can’t practice. Not outside the school. Not on that guy. Not on me.”
    “You? When have I ever practiced on you?” She poked him with her shoe. “As if I could compromise you. You’re going to graduate next year and I don’t know anything. Come on. Sit. Drink slushie. It’s my birthday.”
    “Promise me you’ll