Life After Death: The Shocking True Story of a Innocent Man on Death Row

only four hours of uninterrupted sleep. It’s not possible, though. Doors slamming, keys hitting the floor, guards yelling at one another as if they’re at a family reunion—it all wakes you up. During the four hours when the lights are off you can expect to be awakened
at least
once an hour. The activity continues throughout the day, with the addition of bright, fluorescent lights. Any attempt at a nap leads to further frustration. You can never sleep very deeply here anyway, because you have to stay aware of your surroundings. Bad things can come to those caught off guard. The strain of keeping one eye open wears you down.
    When Death Row was housed in Tucker Max, we at least had control of our own light. It was an older building, and each cell had a wall-mounted fixture with a bulb you screwed in to turn on and unscrewed to turn off. You had to be quick about it, or it would burn your fingertips.
    One of the first things I learned when I arrived was how to cook on a 100-watt lightbulb. This is accomplished in one of two ways. The first is by using the bulb directly, as a heat source. To use the bulb like an oven, you first cut the top off a soda can with a disposable razor blade. You then fill the can with whatever you want to cook—coffee, or leftover beef stew, for instance. You make certain the can is completely dry, not a single drop of water on it, and then balance it on the lightbulb. After twenty or thirty minutes, whatever is in the can will be hot enough to burn your mouth. You have to be absolutely certain the can is dry, because the bulb will explode in your face if water drips on it. You can always tell when someone has made this mistake—the explosion sounds like a shotgun blast.
    This technique can be modified to create a sort of hobo microwave. You simply flatten out a few soda cans and line the inside of a saltine cracker box with them, then fit the box over the bulb. This contraption can be used to prepare some of your more delectable treats, such as bologna or Spam.
    The second way to cook with the bulb is by using it to start a fire. If you prefer to cook over an open flame, you must first create a “burner.” You do this by wrapping toilet paper around your hand a few dozen times and then folding the ends in on themselves. If you do this correctly, you have something that vaguely resembles a doughnut. There’s an art to this technique. If you roll the paper too tight, it will only smolder and you’ll choke on the smoke. If it’s not rolled tight enough, the whole thing will go up in flames in a matter of seconds. You need a nice, controlled burn that lasts for at least five minutes.
    Next you wrap your bulb in toilet paper—twice around should be sufficient. All you have to do is wait for it to begin smoking, which shouldn’t take longer than three minutes. When the paper is smoldering, pull it off the bulb and blow on it, which should cause it to erupt into flames. Light the burner from this fire, and you’re well on your way to being the Wolfgang Puck of the prison world.
    Set the burner on the edge of the toilet seat so that when you’re finished you can just nudge it into the toilet and flush it away. You can flush
anything
down a prison toilet—socks, plastic spoons, busted-up whiskey bottles, smashed cassette tapes, orange peels—I’ve seen it all go down with no effort. Once you get used to these big, industrial-sized prison toilets you will thumb your nose at the home variety. The
only
good thing about this place is the toilets.
    I used this method to brew myself some tea on many occasions: fill a soda can with water, tie a piece of dental floss or a string from a bedsheet to the top of the can, then dangle it over the flame until the water begins to boil. Put your tea bag in a cup and pour the water over it. I love tea. Others make hot chocolate, or even chili.
    One other trick that people always seem to find interesting for some reason is “fishing.” Fishing is what you do when you can’t get anyone outside a cell to pass something to someone else for you. You yell to the guy you’re trying to pass something to—“Hey! Send me your fishing line!” Soon a string will land in front of your door. You tie whatever it is to the line, and the guy reels it in. You need fifty to a hundred yards of string and something to use for a weight to pull this trick off.
    Most people obtain their string by slicing sheets into thin strips and tying the ends together so that you