Life and Death are Wearing Me Out

brought you all into this world, and I can’t bear to see any of you go hungry! That sickened me, so I ignored her and sucked so hard her eyes rolled back in her head. Later on, I discovered that I could kick out with my hind legs, like a donkey, which meant I didn’t even have to let loose of a nipple or use my snout to rid the area of a hungry sibling. Whenever I saw one of them approach, red-eyed and squealing, I’d simply arch my back and kick out. Even if two came up at the same time, I could drive them back by landing well-placed kicks on their heads. All they could do then was run in circles and squeal out of jealousy and hatred, cursing me as they foraged for scraps at the base of our mother’s feed trough.
    It didn’t take Jinlong and Huzhu long to see what was happening, so they invited Hong Taiyue and Huang Tong to watch from the other side of the wall. I knew they remained silent in hopes that I wouldn’t know they were there. So I pretended I didn’t know and ate with such exaggerated gusto that Mother Sow lay there moaning. I intimidated my brothers and sisters with one-legged kicks and struck fear into them with the two-legged variety, until all they could do was roll around and squeal miserably.
    “That’s no pig, it’s a goddamned baby donkey!” Hong Taiyue shouted excitedly
    “You’re right,” Huang Tong agreed. “See how it kicks with its hind legs.”
    I spat out the now dry teat, stood up, and strutted around the pen. Raising my head, I looked at them and let loose with two loud oinks. That threw them.
    “Get those other seven piglets out of there,” Hong Taiyue said. “We’re keeping this one for stud. Let him have all her milk so he’ll grow big and strong.”
    Jinlong jumped into the pen and made a noise to call to the other piglets. The old sow raised her head and gave Jinlong a menacing look, but he was so quick he had two of them in his hands before she knew it. She jumped up and charged him; he forced her back with a kick. The two pigs hung in the air, squealing frantically. Huzhu managed to take one of them from Jinlong; Huang Tong took the other. I could tell they both wound up with their eight dull-witted siblings in the pen next to mine, where those eight little assholes took out after the two new little assholes; they’d get no sympathy from me, I was too happy. By the time Hong Taiyue had smoked a cigarette, Jinlong had removed all seven of the little morons. The pen next to mine turned into a battlefield, with the eight early arrivals fighting it out with the seven late arrivals. Me? I was alone, casually taking it in. I looked at the old sow out of the corner of my eye and saw that she was grief-stricken. But she’d also been relieved of a heavy burden. Let’s face it, she was just an ordinary pig, incapable of having her emotions stirred, humanlike. Look, she’s already forgotten the torment of losing her litter. She’s standing at her trough gobbling up the food.
    The smell of food came rushing toward me on the wind. Huzhu walked up to the gate with a bucket of feed wearing a white apron with “Ximen Village Production Brigade Apricot Garden Pig Farm” embroidered in big red letters. She also had white protective sleeves covering her arms and a soft white cap on her head. She looked like a baker. Using a metal ladle, she scooped the contents into the feed trough. Mother Sow raised up and buried her front legs right in the middle of it. The slops splashing all over her face looked like yellow shit. It had a sour, rotten smell I found disgusting. It was a product of the minds of the brigade’s two most intelligent members, Lan Jinlong and Huang Huzhu, a fermented feed made of chicken droppings, cow dung, and greens. Jinlong emptied the bucket into the trough. The sow had no choice but to eat it.
    “Is that all she gets?” Hong Taiyue asked.
    “Up till a few days ago we added some bean cake,” Huzhu said, “but yesterday Jinlong said no more bean cakes.”
    Hong stuck his head inside the pen to get a closer look at the sow. “We want to be sure the little porker gets what he needs, so let’s prepare food for her separately.”
    “There isn’t enough fodder in the brigade stock room as it is,” Huang Tong said.
    “I thought there was a storage shed filled with corn.”
    “That’s part of our combat readiness! If you want to tap into that you have to get permission from the Commune Revolutionary Committee.”
    “This pig is destined to be part