Live and Let Drood

people,” I said. “It’s one of those very old, very secret, secret organisations that the government won’t even admit exists. Originally founded by Dr. Dee, Queen Elizabeth I’s unofficial spymaster and magician general, alongside the more specialised Carnacki Institute. The Department of the Uncanny’s remit is to defend the Realm from supernatural attacks, from within as well as without. More by gathering information and organising other people than by getting involved themselves. Mostly. It is possible they were originallyput in place as an answer to the Droods, if we should ever get out of hand. On the grounds that the Department could always be relied on to put England’s interests first.”
    “It strikes me that there’s so many of these secret organisations, it’s a wonder they don’t end up tripping all over each other,” said Molly.
    “They have a lot of ground to cover,” I said. “And they’re all very jealous when it comes to guarding their own territory. The last thing anyone wants is a civil war in the hidden world over who’s in charge of what. The Department of the Uncanny exists to defend the nation. The Carnacki Institute deals with ghosts and other mortally challenged incursions. The London Knights deal with otherworldly and other-dimensional threats. And MI-13 used to deal with supernatural intelligence; our spies versus their spies. The Droods…deal with Major League Weird Shit. Worldwide threats.”
    “Couldn’t all these supernatural agencies work together to cover the Droods’ workload until they return?” said Molly.
    “All the organisations I’ve just mentioned are British based,” I said patiently. “They have British aims and responsibilities. The Droods may live in England, but we guard the whole world. We are Humanity’s shepherds, their shamans and protectors. All of this country’s departments working together couldn’t do what we do.”
    “Fancy yourself much, do you?” said Molly, amused.
    “This is why my family has always taken duty and responsibility so seriously.” I said. “You’ve never really thought this through, have you? Droods have field agents in every country and in every major city; there isn’t a country or a culture on this planet that doesn’t fall under our protection.”
    “You used to run the world,” said Molly. “I remember. I was there when we put a stop to that.”
    “We exist to protect all of Humanity.”
    “Two World Wars and an extended Cold War. Good going…”
    “We protect Humanity from outside threats,” I said carefully. “From things like the Hungry Gods and the Apocalypse Door. It’s our job to stand between Humanity and all the nonhuman things that threaten us. It’s not our job to get involved in tribal squabbles.”
    Molly turned right round in her seat to look at me. “Is that really how you see it?”
    “It’s how we have to see it,” I said. “We can’t take sides. We’re here to help, not meddle, and sometimes…that means standing back and letting things happen. Even when it breaks our hearts. Or we really would be the Secret Masters of Humanity. We may have…lost our way for a while, but we’re back on track now. The world needs my family, Molly.”
    “Whether they want you or not?”
    “Sometimes, yes.”
    “Tell me more about the Department of the Uncanny,” said Molly, staring straight ahead. “Suddenly that seems like a lot safer conversation.”
    “Okay,” I said. “They’re basically an information-gathering organisation, evaluating all kinds of data gleaned from every corner of the hidden world to see if it poses any threat. They share information with a great many other organisations, and take occasional action on their own. They have an excellent reputation. I never had any direct dealings with them myself back when I was just the local field agent. As part of the Establishment, that made them part of Matthew’s territory. Back when he was very much the senior London agent. I never got a look in. He had his own circle of intimates and connections, inside men and informers, to which I was never granted access. If I needed to know such things, I had to go to him, and didn’t he just love that, lording it over me. I suppose those people are still on the files somewhere.…To be honest, I was happy enough to let him deal with that kind of stuff. I was never what you’d call diplomatic, in those days. I had issues with authority figures.”
    “I had noticed,”