Looking Good Dead

heading unsteadily to the front door and out into the garden. Nicholl followed him.
    ‘Everything all right?’ Norman Potting asked, leaning against the car, puffing on his pipe.
    ‘Not exactly,’ Grace said, feeling very queasy, so disturbed he was unable to think clearly for some moments. He took several long, deep gulps of fresh air. A man a short distance up the street was washing his car. Close by was the grind-grind-grind-whrrrrr of a hand-pushed lawnmower.
    Nicholl began a series of deep, hacking coughs.

    Grace pulled his recently issued new phone out of his pocket, and looked down at the buttons; he’d practised with it a few times but never actually used the camera function before. Holding his handkerchief over his nose, he went back into the house, along to the bathroom, took a deep breath outside the door, entered and took several photographs in quick succession. Then he went back out of the room.
    Nick Nicholl was standing there. ‘You OK, chief?’
    ‘Never better,’ Grace spluttered, gulping down air. Then he pocketed his camera, not relishing what he had to do next.
    He took another deep breath, dived into the bathroom, grabbed a large towel off a rail, wrapped it around Reggie D’Eath’s head, and yanked hard.
    After several brutal tugs, the head, along with a length of spinal cord, came free from the ligature. Surprised at how heavy it was and still holding his breath, Grace carried it out of the bathroom and laid it down on the hall floor.
    The young Detective Constable took one look at the sight, keeled over, crashing into a wall, and threw up.
    Grace, remembering something from his first aid training, ran into the kitchen, found a bowl in a cupboard, filled it with cold water then hurried back and emptied it over D’Eath’s face, trying to wash away the acid. If there was any forensic evidence there, it might be saved, and in any case it would help with identification. The smell of the DC’s vomit made him gag, and as he ran back for a refill he narrowly avoided throwing up himself.
    Then he went back into the kitchen and radioed for a support team. He requested SOCO officers, a scene guard and some officers to do an immediate house-to-house. While he was speaking, he noticed a cordless phone lying underneath the vile magazine D’Eath had apparently been reading with his meal.
    As soon as he had finished, he carefully picked up the phone, using his handkerchief, then brought it to his ear and pressed the redial button. A local number appeared on the display, then the phone rang. It was answered after just two rings by an almost obsequiously polite male voice.
    ‘Good morning, Dobson’s. May I help you?’
    ‘This is Detective Superintendent Grace from Brighton CID. Ibelieve a Mr Reginald D’Eath’ (carefully pronouncing it deee-ath) ‘called you recently; can you tell me your connection with him?’
    ‘I’m awfully sorry,’ Mr Politeness said. ‘That name does not sound familiar. Maybe one of my colleagues spoke to him.’
    ‘So who exactly are you?’ Grace asked.
    ‘We are funeral directors.’
    Grace thanked the man, hung up and dialled 1471. Moments later he heard an automated voice: ‘I’m sorry, the caller withheld their number.’
    He hung up. D’Eath’s last call had been to a funeral directors – who had no record of it. Had the phone been left like that as a sick joke by his killers?
    Deep in thought, he went out, and invited Norman Potting into the house. It seemed mean to leave him outside in the glorious sunshine, enjoying his pipe, all on his own.
    It was just under an hour before the first Scenes of Crime officers arrived, including a very disgruntled Joe Tindall. The man was becoming an increasingly disenchanted Roy Grace fan.
    ‘Making this a regular Sunday habit, are you, Roy?’
    ‘I used to have a life too,’ Grace snapped back, suffering a sense-of-humour failure.
    Tindall shook his head. ‘Only fifteen years, eight months, seven days to my retirement, and counting . . .’ he said. ‘And I’m ticking off every bloody second.’
    Grace led him into the house and along the passageway towards the bathroom, and the sight that greeted him really did not improve Joe Tindall’s day one bit.
    Leaving the SOCO officer, Grace went back outside, ducked under the police tape now securing the outside of the house, and eased his way politely through the fast-growing gaggle of curious neighbours, realizing that for over one whole hour he had not