Lords and Ladies

that’s what Mum said.”
    “I’m going to have a look.”
    “Oh, I don’t think that’d be a good idea, miss,” said Shawn.
    Magrat drew herself up regally.
    “We happen to be Queen,” she said. “Nearly. So you don’t tell one one can’t do things, or one’ll have you cleaning the privies!”
    “But I does clean the privies,” said Shawn, in a reasonable voice. “Even the garderobe—”
    “And that’s going to go, for a start,” said Magrat, shuddering. “One’s seen it.”
    “Doesn’t bother me, miss, it’ll give me Wednesday afternoons free,” said Shawn, “but what I meant was, you’ll have to wait till I’ve gone down to the armory to fetch my horn for the fanfare.”
    “One won’t need a fanfare, thank you very much.”
    “But you got to have a fanfare, miss.”
    “One can blow my own trumpet, thank you.”
    “Yes, miss.”
    “Miss what?”
    “Miss Queen.”
    “And don’t you forget it.”

    Magrat arrived at as near to a run as was possible in the queen outfit, which ought to have had castors.
    She found a circle of several hundred people and, near the edge, a very pensive Nanny Ogg.
    “What’s happening, Nanny?”
    Nanny turned.
    “Oops, sorry. Didn’t hear no fanfare,” she said. “I’d curtsy, only it’s my legs.”
    Magrat looked past her at the two seated figures in the circle.
    “What’re they doing?”
    “Staring contest.”
    “But they’re looking at the sky.”
    “Bugger that Diamanda girl! She’s got Esme trying to outstare the sun,” said Nanny Ogg. “No looking away, no blinking…”
    “How long have they been doing it?”
    “About an hour,” said Nanny gloomily.
    “That’s terrible!”
    “It’s bloody stupid is what it is,” said Nanny. “Can’t think what’s got into Esme. As if power’s all there is to witching! She knows that. Witching’s not power, it’s how you harness it.”
    There was a pale gold haze over the circle, from magical fallout.
    “They’ll have to stop at sunset,” said Magrat.
    “Esme won’t last until sunset,” said Nanny. “Look at her. All slumped up.”
    “I suppose you couldn’t use some magic to—” Magrat began.
    “Talk sense,” said Nanny. “If Esme found out, she’d kick me round the kingdom. Anyway, the others’d spot it.”
    “Perhaps we could create a small cloud or something?” said Magrat.
    “No! That’s cheating!”
    “Well, you always cheat.”
    “I cheat for myself. You can’t cheat for other people.”
    Granny Weatherwax slumped again.
    “I could have it stopped,” said Magrat.
    “You’d make an enemy for life.”
    “I thought Granny was my enemy for life.”
    “If you think that, my girl, you’ve got no understanding,” said Nanny. “One day you’ll find out Esme Weatherwax is the best friend you ever had.”
    “But we’ve got to do something! Can’t you think of anything ?”
    Nanny Ogg looked thoughtfully at the circle. Occasionally a little wisp of smoke curled up from her pipe.

    The magical duel was subsequently recorded in Bird-whistle’s book Legendes and Antiquities of the Ramptops and went as follows:
    “The duel beinge ninety minutes advanced, a small boy child upon a sudden ran across the square and stept within the magic circle, whereup he fell down with a terrible scream also a flash. The olde witche looked around, got out of her chair, picked him up, and carried him to his grandmother, then went back to her seat, whilom the young witch never averted her eyes from the Sunne. But the other young witches stopped the duel averring, Look, Diamanda has wonne, the reason being, Weatherwax looked away. Whereupon the child’s grandmother said in a loude voice, Oh yes? Pulle the other onne, it have got bells on. This is not a conteft about power, you stupid girls, it is a contest about witchcraft, do you not even begin to know what being a witch IS?
    “Is a witch someone who would look round when she heard a child scream?
    “And the townspeople said, Yess!”

    “That was wonderful ,” said Mrs. Quarney, the storekeeper’s wife. “The whole town cheered. A true miffic quality.”
    They were in the tavern’s back room. Granny Weatherwax was lying on a bench with a damp towel over her face.
    “Yes, it was, wasn’t it?” said Magrat.
    “That girl was left without a leg to stand on, everyone says.”
    “Yes,” said Magrat.
    “Strutted off with her nose in a sling, as they say.”
    “Yes,” said Magrat.
    “Is the little boy all