Lost in You

vacation.”
    Hadley starts laughing. “School just started and you’re ready for vacation?”
    Of course I am. “I’ll be eighteen then.”
    There’s a long silence. I can hear her shuffling around her room. “How many days?”
    “I don’t know, but I could count them and let you know.”
    “I’d like that.”
    I’d like it too. I want to know how many days until I can start making my own decisions. Until my parents don’t have any control over me. I want to leave, but I’m not stupid enough to quit school. I need my diploma.
    “Are you ready for your show tonight?”
    Hadley sighs. “Not really. Ian, my manager, is on my case about some shit.”
    “Like what?”
    “You.”
    “Me?” My voice cracks when I ask her.
    “It’s stupid, a mistake because I wasn’t paying attention.”
    I don’t know what to say. I always knew the day would come when she’d realize we’re a mistake. That nothing about us makes sense. I guess it just took her manager to say something to her about it. Help her see the error of her ways, as they say. 
    “Ryan?”
    “Yeah?”
    “I know you’re thinking I mean you and I don’t. We’ve been through this. I want to be with you. Thing is, someone took a picture of us when we were sitting outside and it’s suggestive. They know it’s me, but they don’t know who you are, so for right now we’re safe. We just can’t do something like that in public again.”
    I’m relieved when she tells me that my name isn’t mentioned, although I feel bad for her not having any privacy. Another reason I can’t wait until my birthday. I want to be able to hold her hand and walk down the street.
    “The bell is going to ring.” I hate saying this to her. It makes me feel like a child.
    “I’ll call you after my show, but I did want to tell you this – I’ll be there next weekend.”
    “Yeah?”
    “Yeah. It will only be two days, but I need to see you. We’ll figure out the rest later, you better get to class.”
    “Bye, Hadley.” She says bye and ends our conversation. I hold my phone, the one she made sure I would take, pressed against my mouth in deep thought. I’ll be seeing her next weekend, which cannot come fast enough.
    “You’re talking to her on the phone?”
    I jump at the sound of Dylan’s voice. I look up to find her standing there, in front of me. I never saw her come in the courtyard. Her hands are on her hips and she’s scowling. We haven’t spoken much since church. She still picks me up in the morning, but our conversation is very minimal.
    I stand and brush off my pants, pocketing my phone. I know she saw the iPhone. Her eyes are trained on me. She looks different. Not the same Dylan I’ve known for the past few years. Her expression is hardened, almost as if she’s upset.
    I know I have to answer her. I also know she’s not going to like it. That day driving back from Hadley’s Dylan made it very clear how she felt. Those feelings don’t change overnight.
    “We talk.” I shrug and step forward. Her hand comes out and stops me. We’re standing shoulder to shoulder, facing in opposite directions. The air is thick with tension. My relationship with Hadley has caused this hiccup in our lives.
    “You talk?” she asks in barely a whisper. I nod and step back to look at her. To really look at the girl I’ve called my best friend, my only real friend. Her eyes are swimming with tears and I don’t know why. Is it so bad that I’m talking to Hadley?
    “Why are you crying?”
    Dylan shakes her head. “It’s nothing. I just miss my friend.” Her head falls forward to my chest. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into a hug. We’ve done this before, but it feels awkward now. Her arms hold me tight, as if she’s trying to hold on for dear life.
    “Do you want to hang out after school?” No, I don’t, but I can’t say that to her. Things shouldn’t have to change for us, even though I know they have. I’m not sure if I want things to change because I, too, miss my friend. I miss having someone to talk to. Maybe I can discuss my feelings about Hadley with Dylan.
    “Sure,” I say, knowing this makes her happy. I should want to hang out. It’s not like Hadley will be calling after school anyway. She has work.
    Dylan pulls away, looks up at smiles, her gray eyes shining. By saying yes, I’ve made her happy. When she tries to hold my hand, I pull away. I know Hadley and I aren’t defined, but I like Hadley and don’t really want