Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 3

to either side of Sinn's head, caging him against the building. "I knew what I wanted when I came to Seattle. Maybe I just met the right man at the right time." And he had. He had a feeling his introduction to the BDSM scene had been a lot different than Sinn's. He'd met a man who'd been honest and up front about his lifestyle. Handsome, intelligent, and experienced.
    "Well, you did better than me, I guess," Sinn muttered.
    "What happened?"
    "The music is what happened. I wanted it too bad. And I was willing to do anything to get it. I was willing to pay with my soul, and I did."
    "The shrink?"
    "I didn't have a way out. It was at a...party. I couldn't take it anymore. Pills, booze, and me. One of the guys at the party was a trained EMT, besides what else he did on the side. He got me into the hospital, helped me find a shrink. If he hadn't–"
    Sinn might have ended up just like Bobby. Dead.
    Will stepped back. Could he go through with this? Sinn's sanity might be at stake. Maybe he should call the whole thing off.
    Sinn must have sensed something because he lunged forward and claimed Will's lips, thrust his tongue deep inside. Will knew he should have stopped it, but Sinn got past his defenses with one fell swoop. All his good intentions melted away. He clamped his hands down on Sinn's forearms and shoved him back against the glass. He pulled back and looked into Sinn's eyes.
    "What is it you want?"
    "What you're offering," Sinn said. His glance slid away. "I've missed it. Not the pimping out part, but there was more to it than that. At the beginning–I loved how he made me feel. Maybe that's why he could use me, get me to do what he wanted so easily. But in the beginning I loved how he made me feel. That's what I want to feel again. I didn't realize it before." He returned his focus on Will. "Not until tonight. No man has made me feel the way you make me feel in a long time."
    "Can you handle it?" Will still wasn't sure he should go forward with his plan. "Without falling apart. Without memories resurfacing."
    "I was all jumbled up back then. Too young to know any better. Too young to understand what I really wanted. I've never known quite where to find it. Like a bull in a china shop I thought any man would do. Especially after what I'd let myself in for. But it's not just any man–it's your kind of man. Tonight–I need to find out if I'm right. I need to find out if there's a way to be left more than just feeling empty after fucking."
    "You trust me?"
    "I have to," Sinn said, his tone drenched with some soul-deep desperation. "My music should fill the void. I want–I'm finally on the right path with my music. Or at least finally heading in the right direction. But inside, something's still missing. And it's killing me."
    The problem was, Will wanted this too. Maybe too badly.
    "Let's go then."
    ****
    Inside, Sinn was shaking. He never thought he'd find himself looking forward to scening with anyone ever again. For four years he'd prostituted himself. Whored for powerful, but sleazy men tied to the music industry–or so they'd said. He'd believed their promises and done everything they'd asked. He'd been a fool. but it was after learning of Bobby's death that he'd spiraled down the rabbit hole and didn't think he'd ever find a way to climb back out. He'd never been totally honest with Bobby. He made it all seem bigger than life, that all his dreams were coming true. He'd never wanted Bobby to know the sordid truth.
    He'd learned to make peace with himself although it hadn't been easy. He'd learned so much about himself and there was a lot of it that was pretty ugly. He'd come to Seattle only after reading an ad online at one of the music sites. A band in Seattle was looking for a lead guitarist. Answering it on a whim had changed his life. It offered him a new start in a new town. With a new name. He thought he'd come to terms with what he'd made of his life and that he'd left L.A. behind. Until tonight. Until this man.
    All this time he'd only been running. And sure enough, you can run, but you can't hide. Not when what you were running from was rooted right inside you. He'd come to love this city with its many faces. He'd always known growing up in Montana, he was not made for the ranching life. Bobby had tried to convince him otherwise. Bobby had stayed. Sinn had left. Bobby had wanted the girl, the ranch, and all that went with it. That had never been what Sinn wanted and he'd never quite known how to