Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 3

know."
    He shook his head. "I'm not sorry." His voice had become harder. "I'm only sorry that my mom was in the car with him. Otherwise, the day he died was the day I was set free."
    I watched him, carefully silent. He stared out into the night, but I figured it was one of those moments where the person wasn't actually seeing the scenery, but something in their head. "My dad," he said fiercely, "was a vicious, cruel, lying son of a bitch. He hit me and mom since before I could remember. But he did it so no one knew. And we couldn't act like we were anything other than a perfectly normal family. He never left visible marks." He paused to take a hard chug off his beer. "I hated that I was so afraid of him.
    "I went into the army to get away from him. It was good for a while, but it wasn't what I wanted forever. And it was during DADT, so there was no way I could make the army my career. It didn't allow me to do what I needed to do with my life and still be a soldier."
    "You knew you were gay back then?" I asked quietly.
    I snorted. "I knew I was gay since I was old enough to know what my genitals were for. But to listen to my dad, gay people were the nastiest pieces of scum that ever slimed their way into life."
    My use of the word 'fag' had probably not been the best choice given this new piece of information. A lot of things about JJ growing up started to click into place. "I'm sorry."
    He finally looked at me. He frowned and shook his head. "Don't be sorry."
    "I am, though. I'm sorry your dad was such an awful person. I'm sorry you had to live through that. I'm sorry I thought so badly of you."
    "Hey, I worked hard for people to hate me."
    "Yeah, but you had a reason. I'm sorry no one cottoned on and figured out how to help you. Or at least be your friend and understand you." I put my hand on his thigh, trying to comfort through some sort of touch. "And I'm sorry that I kept being nasty to you when you had changed. That was messed up on my part."
    "No, it wasn't." He put his hand on top of mine. "It was expected. I've never told anyone the truth before. I think some of the older people in town may have known something was up, but I never admitted it until now."
    That threw me. Confused, I asked, "Why?"
    "Because you know me." He smiled a very small smile. "And maybe 'cause I always had a crush on you."
    "No, you didn't!" I said, totally and completely not believing him.
    He put his free hand on his heart. "I swear. Why do you think after we hit puberty I stopped messing with you? I even beat up that Chuck kid when he made fun of you for wearing lavender."
    "It was purple," I said, automatically repeating what I had said over and over that day in ninth grade when Chuck Marshall had kept calling me nasty names for wearing girl colors. I remembered him leaving me alone the rest of the year he was at our school, but I thought it was because a teacher had lectured him. A thought occurred and my eyes opened in shock. "I thought he had in-home suspension."
    "Nah. I gave him a black eye and he stayed home for a few days 'cause he was scared of me."
    "You did that because of me?"
    JJ shrugged. "Not really that stellar, but it was all I could do at the time." He paused and grimaced. "But, honestly, I'd beat the hell out of anyone who messed with you now, too. But I'd give them more warnings. I guess a tiger can't change all their stripes."
    I admit to having some primal part of my brain thrill at such a Neanderthal sentiment. "Well, I think that is ok. Giving them warning, I mean." I stumbled, not sure how to proceed without looking silly. "You don't want to look like a weakling, but you have to give them a chance to modify their behavior."
    JJ nodded, then grinned. "Ok. As long as you can rationalize it, I'm good."
    I laughed and he joined me. We watched the moon play on the waves. I turned my hand over, the one on his thigh, so I could hold his. His hand tightened over mine. "If you told me," I mused, "that I would be holding hands on the beach with John Jacobs, contemplating giving him a kiss, I'd have directed you to drug rehab."
    JJ turned his head to look at me. "Yeah? If someone had told me the same thing about you, I'd have looked for a magic wand."
    I chuckled and returned his look. Naturally, we moved closer and our lips met, gently. It was a sweet kiss. Tentative, but not fearful. It ended as naturally as it started. We stared into each other's eyes and I have to say it was one of the most romantic, if slightly