Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 3

that he'd thought he ever had a chance to be with Jude. Or any man, for that matter. But the idea of just giving up for good, after he'd finally gotten a small taste of what it could be like, was a crushing weight on his chest.
    And now he had something else to worry about, too. He had no idea what to do about Mike, but he definitely wasn't going to let Jude handle this alone. If he wasn't such a damned coward, he'd go after the scumbag himself.
    Of course, being a coward was also keeping him from telling Jude the truth.
    Maybe he could ease into it. Kind of talk around last night, drop a few hints. He knew Jude felt guilty about what happened, and if nothing else, he might be able to take away some of that guilt.
    Jude came back with fresh beers and settled next to him. Ethan popped his open right away. He'd never believed in liquid courage, but at the moment, every little bit helped. How could he put this? I really liked it when you sucked my cock ...no, too forward. He discarded the idea of euphemisms, dumb jokes, and anything that included if you were a woman . Dishing about exes was out—they'd both done enough of that. So what should he say?
    "Jude?"
    "Hmm."
    "I'm gay."
    Fuck. That was definitely not his first choice of wording.
    Jude's jaw clenched visibly, but he didn't say anything. Just as Ethan decided that since he'd blurted it out, he might as well keep going with an explanation of some sort, Jude said, "That's not funny, man."
    His stomach clenched. Terrific—he didn't believe him. For a split second he considered apologizing for a lame attempt at humor and moving on, but the opportunity to confess would never come again. Last night would remain an awkward wedge and eventually drive them apart. He couldn't let that happen.
    "It's the truth." He set the beer down, attempting not to betray his trembling hands. "That's why things didn't work out with Emily. She doesn't know—no one does—but she could tell something was off."
    "You don't have to do this." Jude was practically growling. "I'm sorry about last night, but stop trying to make me feel better. You're making it worse."
    "Jude...I wanted it."
    "Bullshit!" Jude drew back and launched his half-empty beer can hard into the air. It sailed across the fire, thunking down with a faint splash somewhere in the darkness beyond. "Don't do this to me, Ethan. I made a mistake. I'm a big boy, and I can handle it. What I can't handle is you lying to me."
    It would have been over right then, except for the tiny spark of anger inside Ethan that flared at the accusation. It wasn't fair. He'd finally scraped together the nerve to come out, to the one person that mattered to him, only to be called a liar. Well, damn it, if he couldn't convince Jude with a spoken confession, he'd prove it.
    He leaned over, grabbed the man by the shoulders—and kissed him.
    The effect on him was instantaneous. His body responded like a dying plant finally granted water, with fresh new life flooding his veins and spilling into his heart. At last, he drew back with reluctance.
    A stunned expression had replaced Jude's fury. "You really mean it," he said in hoarse tones. "How long..."
    "I figured it out when I was in high school, but I never told anyone. I would've gotten my ass kicked every day. If my mother didn't kill me before the town bullies could." He could hardly believe what he was saying, but it felt good to let this out. "And I've wanted to kiss you since freshman year."
    "Me?" Jude sagged back. "Ethan, I...this is crazy."
    "Yeah." He turned away, calling himself a hundred kinds of idiot. So much for good feelings. What did he think was going to happen? Even if Jude was interested, it wasn't like he'd say oh good, you're gay, let's have sex. He really was only making things worse.
    Well, he could at least follow through on his original intentions. Then he'd go back to bottling everything up, though it'd be a hell of a lot harder to keep the lid on this time.
    He took in a deep breath. "Look, man. Last night—"
    "Don't." Jude punched the word at him. "Just forget about last night."
    "I want you to know that it wasn't your mistake. I talked you into it."
    "It never happened!" Jude sprang to his feet, eyes blazing in the firelight. He paced a few steps away. "Crazy," he muttered. "I can't do this."
    He turned and walked off into the darkness, toward his truck.
    Ethan stared after him until he couldn't make out his shape, and a hollow premonition settled in his gut. Jude