Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 5

husband."
    "But then I won't be working."
    "I told you. You don't have to work. With what we've got in savings and what I'm making on this show, we're good."
    Both choices feel wrong. "Let me think about it."
    Sam puts his bowl on the counter and walks toward me. "I hope that you do. Really think about it. I want you to come with me. I understand if you can't. But we never see each other anymore, or it sure feels that way, and this could be good for us."
    "You'll be working the whole time. Rehearsals, performances. What will I do?"
    He shrugs. "Enjoy yourself. Be a tourist. Take some time off from working."
    That sounds perfectly boring. "I don't know..."
    He puts his hands on my waist and then swoops down and kisses me. "Think about it, Jess. Okay?"
    "I'll think about it."
    I'm still thinking about it five hours later when I get hungry for lunch and go to the deli on Rivington. Mrs. Lowenstein put up a sign advertising a special: a cup of tomato soup plus a grilled-cheese sandwich. I've got just enough cash in my wallet to make that happen.
    I'm about halfway into it when the bell over the door rings and Matt waltzes in. He doesn't even pretend to be surprised, just walks right over to my table and sits across from me. "We have got to stop running into each other like this."
    "I agree."
    He smirks. "You're not just a little happy to see me?"
    I shrug. I want to say "no," but I don't want to be rude. I take a bite of my sandwich and add, "Sam's not here."
    "I know. He's not the one I want to see."
    That surprises me. I swallow and put my sandwich down. He gets up without explaining himself and walks up to the counter. I hear him ordering corned beef, and then he's back, smiling at me.
    Does he not learn? I don't get why he's transferred his affections from Sam to me, but either way, it's creepy and weird that he's pursuing me now, because I'm not any less single than Sam is. If that's even what this is, which I can't really tell. Matt has certainly gone into flirt mode—I see this expression on the face of guys who hit on Sam all the time.
    We eat in silence for a few moments. Then he says, "You seem sad."
    "I'm all right."
    He nods. "We're friends, yeah? You can tell me what's going on."
    "It's nothing." I want to shout, Back off, creep!
    But he's got kind of a soft expression on his face, his eyebrows raised as if to say, "I am not a threat." "Well. How's your day so far?"
    It's an underhanded way of asking the same question. I could reflexively say, "Good," but he already knows that's a lie. "Sam's going on the road with the show. He'll be gone a month."
    "That bites. I'm sorry."
    Matt's basically the last person who should be helping me make a decision, but still I say, "Sam thinks I should go with him."
    "Could be fun."
    "Yeah. I've never been to San Francisco. Sam says I could be a tourist. Take a break from working."
    "Sam says. What do you say?"
    "I haven't decided."
    Silence stretches out around us a like a cat waking up from a nap. I glance out the front window and watch people bustle by. There aren't a lot of offices in this part of the city, so everyone outside looks like a young hipster killing time while he lives off a trust fund and pursues something artistic.
    "You always do what Sam says?" Matt asks.
    "No." Although I kind of do. Sam usually knows what's right. I know how that sounds, but it honestly doesn't bother me. I can make a decision when it matters. Current evidence to the contrary.
    I start to doubt myself as Matt stares at me skeptically.
    "That doesn't get tired?" he says. "Always doing what your boyfriend tells you to do?"
    "Why do you care?"
    He shoots me a little half-smile. "You intrigue me, Jess. I've never met anyone like you."
    I don't know how to respond to that, so I don't say anything.
    He picks it up anyway. "The latest GQ. There's a cologne ad. I forget the name of the cologne, but there's a black and white picture of a guy. Of you."
    "I told you I model."
    "You're gorgeous. I don't know why I didn't notice sooner."
    The sincerity in his voice puts me on edge. I want to turn him down, tell him to fuck off, tell him I want no part of his friendship or anything else he's offering. But turning guys down, which doesn't happen that often, is like a routine. I've got Sam at home. But do I really? Things with us have been weird lately. I still love him with all my heart, but he won't even tell me what's going on. Something is definitely up with him, but he won't tell me what it is.