Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 5

split lip. The copy is in Spanish, so I'm not entirely sure what it says, something about there being no shame in seeking help. It takes me a moment to feel disgusted that I'm assessing how those cuts and bruises could have been added with makeup or Photoshop. Am I really that cynical? Is this what New York has done to me?
    When we first moved here, it felt like it was me and Jess against the world. Lately, it feels like the world might win.
    Of course, Tyler is already at the studio when I get there. He's practicing a dance routine right there in the middle of the floor. He's flubbing every fifth step or so, turning his foot in when it should be turned out. I shout this at him, which only makes him stop and stare at me. I wave, hoping that will get him to go back to what he was doing, but instead he just stands there, his feet in an awkward ballet third position.
    I want to yell at him. His reappearance in my life has disrupted things in a way I don't like.
    The director keeps asking us to help each other out, and I think he's getting off on the tension between me and Tyler. The actress playing Carrie has the flu, and though she showed up for rehearsal, she was sent home promptly so as to not make the rest of the cast sick. So I, of all people, am standing in for her during one scene, trying to show Tyler dance steps he should have mastered a week ago, each of us all up in each other's dance space.
    "Frame!" I shout at Tyler. I jostle his arms. "If you hold your arms more stiffly, that keeps distance between us, and you won't keep stepping on my foot."
    Tyler grunts but holds his dance frame correctly.
    "Come on, Ty, this is Dance 101."
    That's when it occurs to me that Ty is deliberately flubbing to get closer to me. There's no way a guy this inept would ever get cast in a role in a Broadway production that required this much dancing, not unless he were Hollywood famous, which Tyler definitely isn't. Lots of good actors auditioned for the part, guys I know who can sing and act and dance with the best of them. Which means Tyler can't be as clumsy as he seems.
    I'm thinking about this while I demonstrate something, and it literally trips me up. I falter, shake my head, and manage to do it correctly, but I'm unnerved by this new realization. Tyler has a thing for me, but would he really disrespect Jess this way after I told him not to?
    After rehearsal, Tyler sidles up to me and says, "I've got a bead on small part in a movie."
    "Yeah? You planning to quit this one-horse town for the bright lights of Hollywood?"
    He shrugs. "Maybe."
    I wasn't expecting him to say yes. Most of the theater actors I've met, especially the gay ones, will do the occasional TV appearance but don't really to want to venture into film. I can't imagine giving up a major supporting role in a Broadway musical for a small part in a movie. Plus, I don't like Tyler, but if he leaves, we're kind of screwed.
    "Really?" I say.
    "Entertaining the possibility. My agent is tight with this casting director. I'd be playing the gay sidekick to the female lead in a rom com."
    I sit down to change out of my character shoes. "Well, gee. That's not a walking stereotype."
    "It's a role. It pays more than playing second-fiddle to you on a stage." He spits out the words, sounding not a little bitter.
    I scoff. I put my shoes in my bag and slip on a pair of sneakers.
    "Sorry," he says. "Look, it's a good opportunity, good exposure. I'm sick of struggling to pay rent every month. I bet you are, too. I can get you an appointment with the casting director."
    "What, and leave all this?" I gesture around the room. The studio is clean and well-lit, but plain, the floors scuffed. It's every studio I've ever been in, basically. A thousand grueling rehearsals play through my memory.
    Tyler rolls his eyes. "Sure, this is every theater geek's dream, huh? Maybe this was what you aspired to when you were a sixteen year old plaintively singing along to the Les Mis soundtrack and gazing out your bedroom window, but I want bigger things for myself. Besides, revivals like this are on their way out. You can't put a show on Broadway without a big name anymore."
    "That's not true." But I know better.
    "It is true. You do something spectacular, and you're just another kid who came to the big city in search of a dream that can never be fulfilled." He shrugs. "I'm just trying to keep my options open."
    "Yeah."
    "Feel free to continue trying to live your hopeless dream." He turns on his