Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 5

much as his hands, said, "I love you so much Shawn Dempsey."
    I leaned back a fraction of an inch, so his face was more than a blur of colors seen too close, and gave him back the gift he had given me. "I love you too Andrew Walker."
    In that moment, it was like the spell keeping us calm broke and all of a sudden we were lying on the couch, completely wrapped in each other and kissing like there was no tomorrow. It was so powerful and so overwhelming that it almost felt like a first kiss. But then he scraped his teeth across my lower lip because he knew I loved it and I ran my tongue across the back of his teeth because I knew it made him shiver, and it just felt like coming home after years lost at sea.
    Our passion slowed and gentled, turning tender again because, no matter how much I might want to, I was not up to anything more. Even though it had been a good day, my good days were never good enough, the pain was never far enough away from the surface, for anything more than kissing to be on my mind.
    Andrew seemed to understand, and he led me back to the bedroom where we undressed and crawled into bed together. I was the little spoon, and I fell asleep in his arms, knowing I was still loved by the man who meant more to me than anyone else on the planet.
    CHAPTER 3
    The CAT scan whirred around my head, sounding like the engine of an alien space ship as I felt myself move through the machine at a glacial pace. I kept my eyes closed, afraid I might look into the light as I had been instructed not to. I was pretty sure I didn't want to be looking into any lights any time soon, thank you very much.
    My skin was buzzing with nervous energy, but I did my best to hold still, even as the pain of not shaking spread through all my limbs. The picture they were taking of my brain would determine the course, quite literally, of the rest of my life. I don't think I had ever been more nervous. The chill of the metal table I was lying on seeped into my back through the thin material of my hospital gown, and I hoped this would be over soon.
    Finally, I heard, "Okay, Mr. Dempsey, you can get up now" over the intercom. I got up slowly, careful not to strain my weak muscles. I did not want orderlies to have to pick me up off the ground because I hadn't taken it easy enough.
    The overly cheerful technician came over to grab my arm and help me back into the prep room. She chattered away and I mostly ignored her until she sat me back down, in a chair this time, and handed me a sheet of paper.
    "Normally, you wouldn't get in to see a Doctor about your scan for a day or two, but Dr. Tillman had a cancellation this afternoon. If you can stick around an hour or so, he can go over your results with you."
    I felt a huge wave of relief flow through me. I would know today. I nodded dumbly at her and took the paper with directions to Dr. Tillman's office within the hospital complex from where I was.
    I went to the hospital cafeteria and pushed mushy peas and grilled chicken around my plate until it was time to meet with Dr. Tillman. It felt weird to see him at the hospital dressed in his scrubs. Normally, I met with him at his office where he dressed business casual with a lab coat.
    I walked into his consultation room and saw him putting an x-ray film up on the viewing board. The walls were awash in the weird blue glow of the light shining through the x-ray films. The film had a dozen or so pictures of what I assumed to be my brain on it, and it just looked like a brain to me. I tried not to get my hopes up because I have no idea what a brain should look like. The last time we had looked at films together was when I got my diagnosis, and that whole day was kind of a blur in my mind.
    I've got to give Dr. Tillman credit. He's got a poker face like no one I have ever met. It must come in handy in his profession, to keep people from panicking upon entering the room.
    After polite greetings, he led me over to the viewing board. He looked serious as he started to speak again.
    "I'm sorry, Mr. Dempsey. It looks like the chemo hasn't reduced the tumor as we had hoped." He was pointing to a spot on the x-ray that was darker than the rest, but I couldn't tell the difference between that spot and all the other spots. It took a moment for what he had said to sink in, and I felt my world starting to crumble inside me. It was like that first crack in a wall that just keeps growing and splitting until the whole wall is a pile of rubble.
    I took a deep,