Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 6

door and closed it. Even knowing they were alone, he wanted to make sure the intimate atmosphere was complete. This time Esteban scowled. "What are you doing?"
    "You said that if I needed anything I could come here and ask."
    "Yes, but…"
    Javier stepped into his space, so close he could feel his breath. "I need a hug, a simple hug, please."
    "I don't think this is a good idea."
    "Why not? You're bigger than me, why are you so afraid?"
    "I'm not afraid of you, but me. You're used to a different lifestyle, and I've always lived following tradition."
    "Break with it."
    "I'm a lonely man; despite my family, I'm essentially alone. Somehow, I'm used to that, but if I share my time with you, and you leave me, it will be devastating for me. So, it's better if we don't play these games."
    "Why should I leave you?"
    "Because you're young, and I'm not. If I had been a promiscuous teenager, I could have been old enough to be your father."
    "Nonsense. My dad is in his sixties. Besides, Mauricio was about your age."
    Impressed, Esteban rasped. "I'm not Mauricio. If you're seeking a substitute for him, you're in the wrong place."
    "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that."
    Javier felt Esteban's hand lifting to his chin, the eyes behind the glasses searching his. "Listen, right now, we're a big mess, the both of us, and somehow our present stage is related to Mauricio's death."
    That last statement got all his attention, what was Esteban talking about?
    "Very few people knew this, but I was in love with Mauricio for many years, and he loved me too."
    "What exactly did happen between the two of you?"
    For a moment, he thought Esteban would refuse to tell him, but letting go of his face, he sat on the bed while explaining. "I wish I could say that we had the most passionate romance ever. Sadly, it was the romance that never was. Mauricio and I loved one another in a sweet way, and stayed in touch until his death. That is it."
    "Do you really expect me to believe that it was only platonic? Come on, Esteban, I was married to the man, I know very well how little patience he had for sweet and tender love."
    By the way Esteban looked back and forth between his hands and Javier, it was obvious he considered his next words.
    "Your relationship with him was real, while mine was a fantasy of sorts. We probably kissed a couple of times, but that was it, because I tried not to touch him to avoid temptation."
    "Oh, God Esteban, I know you are telling the truth, but it's so hard to understand why you held back your passion so much." When Esteban fixed his gaze ahead, Javier added. "I'm sorry I forgot the whole celibate vows thing."
    Javier sat next to him and perceived how Esteban started and froze, but remained in his place, before saying, "We found out that we were in love shortly after joining the seminary, and we were supposed to be chaste."
    All Javier could do was to open his eyes in awe. "Mauricio wanted to be a priest?"
    The question brought a timid smile to Esteban's mouth. "Mauricio's vocation was more for me than for the church, so when he couldn't take it anymore he left, but I became a celibate priest."
    "Why didn't you guys leave together?"
    "Because I'm a coward, yes, that was why." He paused and breathed before admitting. "I feared my family, the church, my friends, everything. I loved him in silence and from the biggest distance I could put between us. Though I never knew what I lost until he married you."
    Javier studied his expression, but Esteban kept looking ahead. "You must have hated me."
    "No. How could I? I said that I loved him, and when you love someone you want that person to be happy."
    "I guess so."
    "Well, he was happy thanks to you. I won't deny I felt jealous, but it was only for a short period of time. I sublimated my feelings for him into the real friendship that should have always been. At the time of his death, I was at peace."
    "So why are you a mess now?"
    "Javier, I'm still a coward."
    "Don't you crave someone's touch?"
    "There was a time I did, but I learned to live without it."
    He stood and walked to the door, Javier imagined he would leave him there in any moment.
    "Hey, this is your room don't go please. I don't want to disturb you, but I got confused." Javier paused because they reached the door and Esteban turned around facing him, a few inches taller than his own six feet, Javier had to raise his head to look him in the eyes, but instead he focused his gaze on Esteban's full mouth.
    Javier stepped