Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 6

forward, Esteban circled him going back to the bed, and Javier followed him. "Esteban, there is something between us that isn't about friendship, and I perceived it as soon as I met you."
    "I agree, that's why I think it's dangerous for us to be alone. Please go back to your room."
    In that moment, Javier noticed the briefcase with the letters over the nightstand next to bed. Apparently, Esteban had been reading his own letters.
    "You miss him too?" Esteban followed his sight to the briefcase before answering.
    "Of course, he was the love of my life." His voice broke off at the end.
    "Oh, Esteban, I'm so sorry, I came here to…" Javier trailed off because he came to this room to seduce him, and they were talking about their mutual lost love. Javier felt ashamed of what he tried to do and Esteban told him, "I know why you came here, and I understand. I've never been a sexual person, but I know there are people who only can relate to another through sex."
    He gently pulled Javier until he sat next to him on the bed.
    "Mauricio was like that too. I loved him, and somehow he loved me too, but you were the love of his life."
    "Really? When you told me what happened between the two of you, I thought that you were the one he loved the most."
    "Before he met you, he used to tell me all the details of his affairs, which were so many I lost track eventually, and some I rather didn't know about. I lived vicariously through him. Somehow he experienced the world while I stayed in my little cocoon."
    "That's something I would have never guessed."
    Javier couldn't find anything else to say, so he waited for Esteban to continue.
    "It took me months after he died to guess it myself, we had a symbiotic relationship. I comforted him and supported him, while he entertained me with his anecdotes of a life I would never enjoy. When he met you, something changed. He no longer wanted to share his intimacy with me, which hurt me, but at the same time, relieved me. Today, I'm glad he didn't."
    After saying those words he picked a book that was next to the briefcase and pulled a letter he handed to Javier. "This is the letter he sent me after he met you. We continued writing to each other, but less frequently."
    When Javier hesitated to read it, Esteban took the envelope and pulled the letter from inside, giving it again to him.
    "Go ahead, read this part, it's all right."
    Javier recognized Mauricio's handwriting, and read aloud the paragraph Esteban pointed out.
    "My beloved friend, you helped me to make this life easygoing while being my faithful confidant, but I've fallen in love as deeply as I've never told you before. Please forgive me because in the future I won't be sharing the intimate details of my love life with you."
    The written words affected Javier in an unexpected manner.
    "See? You were the one he loved the most."
    Esteban's words were simply stating what he thought true, no resentment, only pain. Javier tried to hold the tears, but ended up giving up, he really hadn't had the chance to cry for Mauricio with someone who understood his loss. Despite that, in the instant Esteban took him into his arms, Javier changed pain for hope.
    The hope of one day being sheltered by Esteban's love, which he anticipated capable of erasing the suffering clung to his exhausted young flesh. Esteban's reserved demeanor contrasted with the heat his strong hands delivered every time they roamed over his back while trying to calm him down. The gesture was comforting, but enticing as well.
    Esteban didn't know what to do, he had comforted others in the past, but someone like Javier never. He could see how the younger man trembled, how he looked about to break down, and remembered what Diego said. If Javier got depressed, his immune system might be affected. Also what Mauricio wrote to him, and darn, Esteban wanted to hold him in his arms. Period.
    He knew that the lingering memories of Mauricio was enough to keep them from getting intimate, at least for tonight.
    Esteban knew that if he continued spending time with Javier something would happen sooner or later. He didn't need to wait for the Pope to dispense his celibate promise, which was the protocol, but in his case it might never come, because it was only granted if a former priest needed to marry, and the kind of union he had in mind wasn't acknowledged by the Vatican.
    Besides, there was nothing bad in holding someone who needed comfort, except Esteban needed the embrace more than Javier. He