Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 8

know what I want. All I know is you still seem like the guy in my fantasies, the one who will give me that happy ever after with rainbows and balloons. It can't be real. I don't know how to make it feel real."
    Josh let go of his ass and ran a hand over his own short hair. "I don't either. It feels real enough to me. I could suck you again; I guarantee it wouldn't feel like rainbows."
    Trey shook his head even as his cock hardened optimistically at the thought. "I'm not sure that would help. My dick already believes in you. It's the rest of me that isn't sure."
    "Maybe your first idea was right. We should pack a couple of sandwiches and go somewhere and talk. Or do you want to go eat in a restaurant, and be out together? I could kiss you in front of the waitresses. Would that help?"
    Trey punched him in the ribs lightly. "Get serious."
    "I was. I want to know what you need. I came out to Felix. I'll come out to my folks as soon as they get back. I'll come out to the world for you."
    "Holy shit." Trey suddenly couldn't get his breath. All kinds of images were flashing through his imagination and none of them were good.
    "What?" Josh took his arm. "What did I say?"
    "You're really going to come out to your parents?"
    "Did you think I was lying to Felix?"
    "I thought... I don't know, I figured you'd want more time, maybe see how things worked out, before taking that kind of step."
    "I don't need more time to be sure about us," Josh said, and then his expression got closed and rigid. "Unless you do."
    "No. God no." Trey turned back and leaned down to hide his face against Josh's shoulder. Josh's arms came round him comfortingly. Trey whispered, "For ten years the thing I was most afraid of in all the world was you finding out I was gay and had a crush on you. I took three fucking unnecessary trips to Pittsburgh so as not to be in town when you were, because I didn't dare be around you. I stopped calling you because I couldn't control my voice, I reread my emails three times before sending, I invented blond girls with big tits..."
    "You intentionally went to Pittsburgh?" Josh interrupted.
    "We have a supplier there. It was believable."
    "You couldn't go to, like, Vegas, and just tell me you were in Pittsburgh?"
    "No." Trey closed his eyes and pressed his face harder against Josh's skin.
    Josh rubbed his cheek up and down against Trey's hair. "We have been fucked up, haven't we?"
    "Mostly me."
    "Only because I didn't realize what I was missing. You were ahead of me. Anyway I was fucked up in other ways."
    Trey choked a laugh. It wasn't funny, but it felt that way.
    Josh pushed him gently upright. "Look. I'll feed the critters. You make some sandwiches, because yours are better. Pack some beer and stuff and we'll go to the beach."
    "Okay." That was damned familiar too, following Josh's lead, and it felt right.
    Josh drove them back to the beach they had found on the Fourth. There were still a few cars in the lot, but the cloud cover and rising wind had chased off most of the swimmers. Josh grabbed the fabric cooler with the beer, slung the strap over his shoulder, and headed for the steps down to the sand, leaving Trey to come along behind him with the food. Josh waited at the foot of the stairs for Trey to catch up. As Trey stepped down onto the beach, Josh cupped Trey's head in one hand and drew him in for a kiss. Trey couldn't help stiffening for a moment, but then he relaxed into it. So good.
    Josh slipped off his sneakers and tied the laces to the cooler. He hefted it in invitation for Trey to do the same thing. The sand was cool against Trey's bare feet and the waves on the rocks crashed and drained with rhythmic voices as they walked along. Their sneakers bumped against each other, dangling from the cooler above Josh's hip. Bumping uglies. Trey wasn't sure where the phrase came from but it was oddly reassuring to see his new shoes next to Josh's battered ones. He leaned in until their arms brushed together too.
    There were still several couples sitting on the beach, hanging out on sandy towels waiting for the sunset. A woman jogged easily along the water, her yellow Lab panting happily at her side. A family with three young boys was trying vainly to corral children, toys, towels and cooler for the trip back up the stairs. Josh said, "Let's walk further down past the rocks."
    The curve of sandy shore petered out into tumbled fingers of stone and scrub. Josh handed Trey his sneakers and they put shoes back on and then