Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 8

decided I would just not be gay."
    "You can't just decide..."
    "I fucking know that, right? But mostly it worked. Until I got alone with you, I would fool myself and pretend I wanted to be best buds, when all the time I was dying for you to touch me. Being alone with you was wonderful but it was damned hard."
    "Shit." Josh hugged him closer and drank the rest of his beer in one long swallow. He reached for the cooler again.
    "You chug too many of those and you'll have to put up with me driving home. And you know how much you love letting me behind the wheel."
    "Maybe I'll be too drunk to care."
    "Something to look forward to."
    Josh shook his head and opened a third beer but he only took a small sip. "You said you had questions, things you wanted to know. So ask."
    Trey let his questions run through his head. His own beer was getting warm and he finished it. Josh quietly handed him another. Questions. What did I used to wish I could ask in college, wish I could climb through the computer screen and find out on the other end?
    He'd wanted to know everything really. He'd wanted to know about every girl who'd smiled Josh's way and every guy he'd tossed a baseball around with and every time Josh was homesick and thought about his old friends. He'd once done a computer search with Josh's name and the name of that New York high-school, looking for him. He'd spent hours staring at the class picture someone had posted, wondering which of those smiling guys had replaced him in Josh's life. But that was back when he was a teenager and obsessed. He hadn't been that much of a stalker in... well, okay he'd been still something of a stalker. Just one who didn't give in to the temptation as often. So what did he want to know now?
    "How did you find out you were bi? You always liked girls, a lot. I have a hard time figuring out how you started letting yourself look at guys." He'd wanted to be Josh's first guy, dammit. Of course that was stupid, because if Josh hadn't already known he was bi before yesterday, they would never have made it this far. But imagining college-age Josh with another guy, having man-on-man sex while all that time Trey had been so resolutely pretending to be straight whenever they talked– that was hard.
    Josh sighed. "You won't get jealous?"
    "No promises." Trey moved out of the circle of Josh's arms and stretched out on his stomach on the sand, chin in his hands, looking at Josh. "Although my body believes I'm yours now."
    "You are." Josh's intensity was almost comical. He leaned over to kiss Trey hard.
    It was a very good kiss, but Trey resisted the impulse to get distracted. He shoved Josh back gently. "Talk to me."
    "Um. So, being bi. It was in college, junior year. I'd had a girlfriend off and on through sophomore year."
    "Claire," Trey supplied, and then blushed.
    But Josh looked delighted. "You remember! Yeah, Claire. Man, she was work. Hot as hell though." He paused. "Sorry. Not as hot as you."
    "Just get on with it Mr. Bi-guy."
    "Yeah, well, I had fun with Claire but everything was a drama. If I brought her flowers I was trying to bribe her and if I didn't I was ignoring her. If I so much as looked at her roommate I was thinking about cheating on her, but if I didn't then I was dissing her best friend. The sex was about all that kept us together. Every time I'd try to break up she would cry and panic and tell me how much she loved me. I got a job out of state that summer mostly to make it easy to leave her behind. I just stopped answering her emails, let us drift apart."
    "Poor girl."
    "Say what?"
    "Never mind. So you dumped the girl."
    "Yeah. When I came back in the fall, I moved into a house with four other guys. I knew one of them already from class, but the others were seniors. One of them was Stefan."
    "Your Stef." Trey was no longer so sure he wanted to hear this but he had asked.
    "Yeah. Long story short..."
    "Good plan," Trey growled.
    Josh laughed. "Anyway, we got drunk together one night and ended up with him sucking me off. And I have never come as hard as I did looking down at Stef with his mouth around my cock."
    "Never?" Trey faked a hurt look.
    "At the time. Until now. Fuck you."
    "Sounds like a plan." They stared at each other in the deepening twilight. The heat of expectation seemed to pull Trey forward. Those were the mouth and the hands and the body of his polar north and he was dragged toward Josh. Only the fact that he was lying prone and it would be an effort to get up kept him