Love Is Always Write Volume 4

don't understand why you'd need to dress up and…" Chad jerked his head to indicate the flowers, "just to say you were sorry. I mean, if you feel guilty or something, you shouldn't. It was a mistake. And if I made you feel bad, I'm sorry. My life really isn't all that bad, okay. I got over it and moved on." Okay, so that was one huge whopping lie.
    There was a change in Zeb's expression at the end there that Chad didn't like at all. "Moved on?" Zeb looked down, somewhere near the counter and flowers, and wouldn't meet Chad's eyes. "How much?"
    "How much what? What are you talking about?"
    "How much did you move on? Moved on, as in have a boyfriend? Moved on, as in you don't have feelings for me anymore? I need to know Chad. How far did you move on?"
    "I… Shit, Zeb. What does it matter anymore? You live in California, you have a boyfriend."
    "I don't have a boyfriend. I – well, I didn't exactly lie. There's someone I see, but we're not in any type of a relationship. It's just…" Zeb looked down at the ground now, his face twisted. "It's just sex," he finished in a whisper. "It's convenient and it's safe. Not like… not like I did before."
    "Oh." Chad didn't know what to say to that.
    Holy Shit. Zeb was single. Single and standing in his kitchen in dress clothes bearing flowers. Could this really be happening? Chad's pulse jumped and he squirmed, but he reprimanded himself. Don't jump to conclusions again, don't make a fool out of yourself!
    "I know I fucked up." Zeb looked back up and pinned Chad with a stare. His eyes glassy and so deadly serious Chad found it hard to breath. "I fucked up royally, I know that. What I…" he paused and Chad noticed his breath was shaky. "What I need to know now, is what will it take to get you back?"
    Chad's breath hitched and he swore his heart stopped.
    Zeb took a couple steps towards him, a look of determination on his face. "I promise, I swear to you , I won't screw up like that again. I'll do whatever it takes. I'll move back here." Another step forward and Chad could smell his cologne. "I don't want to quit the band, but if you want me to—"
    "No." Zeb's steps faltered. "I mean, no, I wouldn't want you to quit." Chad was quick to explain.
    Zeb took in a long breath and the corners of his mouth curved just slightly. He took one more step, the last step needed to put him in touching distance. Chad needed to touch; to be sure this was real. It was so close to so many dreams he'd had over the years he was afraid his alarm clock would go off any minute and ruin it. He reached up, his movement shaky, and touched the side of Zeb's neck. He could see and feel his pulse there, racing as fast as Chad's.
    Zeb trembled at the touch and Chad looked up, searching his eyes. "Are you serious?" Chad knew it didn't make any sense, but he was almost more afraid than happy right now. Afraid something would be offered and taken away, nervous that this wasn't real, and scared to death to trust.
    "Chad," Zeb ran his knuckles over Chad's cheek. "I've never been more serious." Zeb closed that small gap, their chests almost touching. Chad could feel the heat from his body now, smell the mint on his breath. "I love you, Chad. I always did," Zeb admitted in a whisper.
    Oh, lordy. Chad's eyes stung and he blinked. That didn't work so he closed them tight, so fucking tight.
    No, you are not going to cry!
    He leaned his head forward onto Zeb's chest, needing desperately to feel him there. For a moment they just stood like that, Zeb's fingers moving in his hair to sooth him, pet him. Oh God, am I really this pathetic? Why can't I just tell him I love him too? Why can't I just smile and pretend this isn't a big fucking deal?
    Maybe because it is? A voice in the back of his head answered.
    "Chad? Are you okay, baby?"
    Baby? Hearing that brought the sting right back to his eyes. He closed them and felt a trail of heat run down his cheek, a tear escaping. Oh, damn.
    He took in a long breath, attempting to calm his nerves. That stupid lump in his throat was almost painful as he tried to swallow past it. His hands were clutching the back of Zeb's shirt now and he couldn't even remember putting his arms around him. Zeb's fingers made him tremble as they glided slowly over his throat to the back of his neck, angling Chad's head to fit in the crook of his shoulder.
    Then he heard Zeb start humming, soft and sweet. Slowly it got louder and they were swaying, Zeb holding Chad firmly and leading him. Chad followed