Love Is Always Write Volume 4

his arm and Nick nearly fell into the aisle. "Kinda ironic don't ya think? That the one thing you thought meant he didn't care is probably one thing he did that showed you the most how much he loved you. Not to mention the whole letting the bird out of the cage thing."
    "Shit, you are seriously strange. What does any of this have to do with birds in a cage?"
    "You know… If you love it, set it free. If it loves you it will come back. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. Or something like that. He had to seriously love you to risk losing you by telling you to follow your dream. Only you…" Nick trailed off and looked up at Zeb, embarrassed or apologetic, Zeb couldn't tell. "Never mind."
    "No, what?" It wasn't like he was expecting to like what Nick had to say, but he'd already beat himself up so much over the last few days he doubted it could be anything new.
    Nick shrugged. "No. You already pointed out I made you feel like an ass once today. That's enough."
    "Nick, for Christ's sake I'm feeling pissy enough. Just tell me."
    "Just that, you know, the bird analogy thing…" Nick hesitated, looking uncomfortable. "That you never went back, so maybe you didn't…" Nick didn't finish and Zeb didn't need him to.
    Oh fuck.
    Zeb felt it like a vise in his chest and this horrible, disgusting sick churning in his stomach had him ready to hurl. The guilt and the shame overwhelmed him. He turned away from Nick and looked out the window, breathing slowly and blinking away the sting in his eyes. There was a pat on his shoulder and then Nick was gone.
    He'd been avoiding thinking about it for days, avoiding facing the fact that he hadn't just left Chad. Zeb had abandoned him. It didn't seem to matter anymore that it wasn't what he'd meant to do; it still left them in the same place: apart.
    He knew that wasn't where he wanted to be, but didn't see how he could change it. Too much time had gone passed, too many hurt feelings. So instead he'd focused on the little things, spending three days nit-picking everything they'd said to each other. Maybe he was just trying to give himself a reason why he shouldn't call Chad back up, admit he really didn't have a boyfriend and that he'd only said it Saturday night to push Chad away. Yeah, he was sure that would go over well. Especially when Chad had seemed so nice about it on the phone, so concerned.
    Obviously, Chad was over him, right? It had been three years after all. Zeb snorted, realizing how stupid that rationale was when he knew he wasn't over Chad, and it had been the same amount of time for both of them. Then he remembered Chad telling him on the phone that he'd loved him.
    "I never said it back." Oh, damn . It was excusable Saturday night when they'd both been pissed and Zeb so confused. Then on the phone he'd been almost in shock to hear it, their conversation shifted, and… Shit. Twice Chad had admitted his feelings now and what had Zeb said? Nothing. He was such a damn idiot.
    Nick's words, 'you didn't go back, so you must not have…?' God, that had to be what Chad thought too, right? That since Zeb had walked away he must not have ever loved Chad. But that wasn't true.
    God, that so wasn't true. Zeb chewed on his bottom lip and leaned his forehead against the window. He had to fix this. For now he was stuck on a bus heading for Chicago, helpless to do anything about it. Maybe that was good, though. Acting rashly hadn't exactly helped him before.
    ****
    "So, everyone… this means you have two free days before we head to Boston," David Greenberg announced with a loud clap of his hands from the front of the tour bus. They were parked at a cheap ass hotel that Zeb had never heard of and David, the personal assistant to the Executive what-cha-ma-call-it that Zeb couldn't give a shit about, wasn't letting them off until he gave his little announcement. Not that uncommon of an occurrence, considering David was a pompous ass who loved to hear himself speak, but what he said was very unusual.
    "Wait a minute." Zeb raised his voice above the murmurs coming from the other men and women on the bus. "Since our other date was already cancelled, and now Chicago has some gas leak problem, does that mean we have an entire week free to do what we want?"
    "Well, our plan was to stay here and then take the bus to Boston. So,"
    "But really," Zeb didn't want to hear this little pipsqueaks excuses. "if we wanted to head out ahead of time… say, take a flight instead of