Marriage by Mistake

Dean made a wiping motion in the air. "How long can our marriage really last?"
    For a long moment Kelly could only stare at him. He couldn't be saying this, he couldn't be thinking it. Like he didn't believe in them. Hadn't he asked her two nights ago to stay and make the marriage real?
    Or had he asked something a little bit different?
    Kelly felt a scared sinking in her stomach. Dean was gazing at her in his old, sardonic way. She remembered: he hadn't asked her to stay. He'd said he wanted to keep things going . Open-ended, uncommitted.
    Fool , a voice inside her shrieked. You did it again, big-time, let a man use you .
    Kelly shook the voice aside. She knew Dean loved her. Despite the fact he'd never said the words aloud, she knew it from every gesture and deed. What was happening here was an outbreak of insecurity. It had started with the marriage proposal, or lack thereof, and gotten worse with the arrival of his father. Dean was afraid of being vulnerable to her. That's why he hadn't asked her to stay married. It was why he was standing here, brows raised, as if he really expected an answer to his question: how long will it last?
    Kelly drew in a deep breath. She should have realized. Dean wasn't as confident as he sometimes appeared. He was still very insecure in matters of emotion. His father, with his insinuations and mockery, had only made things worse. "I think," she said slowly, "I haven't been exactly fair to you."
    Dean went absolutely still.
    Kelly took another deep breath. She could see now that she was going to have to be the adult here. Because, well, she was the adult here, the emotional adult. Dean would have been one if he could have. He loved responsibility and taking care of things, but he'd never been given the tools to figure out how to take responsibility for this.
    So it was up to her. She gazed at his cold, forbidding—and no doubt terrified—features, and felt her love for him swell.
    "I should have told you before," she said. "It's just that I was waiting—" She shook her head. No use telling him what she'd been waiting for. She raised her chin and looked Dean straight in the eye. "I love you, Dean. I want to stay in the marriage. I want it to be a real marriage, for good."
    He just stared at her. Kelly saw something move, behind his attempt at impassivity. He wasn't as unaffected as he wanted to appear. She waited, sure then that he was going to soften. He was going to say how glad he was, maybe even say that he loved her, too.
    Instead he seemed to pull into himself. She could practically see the walls going up. "I see," he said. "Yes. But that doesn't answer my question."
    "What?"
    "How long?" Dean repeated. "I understand it would be difficult to name a specific date, but I'm sure you could give me a general time frame."
    " What ? "
    He pushed back from the table. "Yes, I know we've been...close these past few weeks. But that was only because— Never mind. The important thing is that I'm over it now. I'm back to reality again."
    "Reality?" Kelly couldn't believe this was happening, that he was saying this sort of thing—now.
    Dean drew himself up. "It's not that I'm implying you're lying. I think you do believe you love me, whatever that means. But this isn't going to last. It couldn't." He gave a strange, dry laugh. "Especially not considering the way it started."
    Kelly felt light-headed. They shouldn't be arguing. She'd just given her all, surrendered. Hadn't that meant anything? "You don't even know how it started," she had enough presence of mind to point out.
    "No." Dean smiled. " You don't know how it started."
    Kelly's brows drew down.
    Dean tapped his index finger on the table top. "It started," he said, "with Troy's hypnotic suggestion."
    The hairs rose on the back of Kelly's neck. "You never told me what was Troy's suggestion."
    "True." Dean looked to the side. "And he warned me, told me you needed to know."
    Despite herself, Kelly felt chill. "So, what was it?"
    "Troy told me to do what I wanted for forty-eight hours. To do what I wanted, instead of what I should."
    Kelly felt ice all the way through. She wasn't even sure why. So, Dean coming on to her, courting and marrying her, had been something he wanted to do. What was bad about that? That was... good , and certainly better than having been compelled to do something against his will.
    But Dean laughed harshly. "I did what I wanted, without considering the consequences, without thinking about the future. Acted