Maskerade

drunken baritone strolling on to sing an enormous amount of plot at a passing tenor.
    She saw Mr. Bucket and Mr. Salzella deep in argument with the stage manager.
    “How can we search the entire building? This place is a maze!”
    “He might have just wandered off somewhere…?”
    “He’s as blind as a bat without those glasses.”
    “But we can’t be certain something’s happened to him.”
    “Oh, yes? You didn’t say that when we opened the double-bass case. You were certain he was going to be inside. Admit it.”
    “I…wasn’t expecting just to find a smashed double bass, yes. But I was feeling a bit mithered at that point.”
    A sword swallower nudged Agnes.
    “What?”
    “Curtain up in one minute, dear,” he said, smearing mustard on his sword.
    “Has something happened to Dr. Undershaft?”
    “Couldn’t say, dear. You wouldn’t have any salt, would you?”

    “’Scuse me. ’Scuse me. Sorry. ’Scuse me. Was that your foot? ’Scuse me…”
    Leaving a trail of annoyed and pained patrons in their wake, the witches trod their way to their seats.
    Granny elbowed herself comfortable and then, having in some matters the boredom threshold of a four-year-old, said: “What’s happenin’ now?”
    Nanny’s skimpy knowledge of opera didn’t come to her aid. So she turned to the lady beside her.
    “’Scuse me, could I borrow your program? Thank you. ’Scuse me, could I borrow your spectacles? So kind.”
    She spent a few moments in careful study.
    “This is the overture,” she said. “It’s kind of a free sample of what’s going to happen. ’S got a summary of the story, too. La Triviata .”
    Her lips moved as she read. Occasionally her brow wrinkled.
    “Well, it’s quite simple reely,” she said, at last. “A lot of people are in love with one another, there’s considerable dressing up as other people and general confusion, there’s a cheeky servant, no one really knows who anyone is, a couple of ole dukes go mad, chorus of gypsies, etc. Your basic opera. Someone’s prob’ly going to turn out to be someone else’s long-lost son or daughter or wife or something.”
    “Shh!” said a voice behind them.
    “Wish we’d brought something to eat,” muttered Granny.
    “I think I’ve got some peppermints in my knicker leg.”
    “Shh!”
    “I would like my spectacles back, please.”
    “Here you are, ma’am. They’re not very good, are they?”
    Someone tapped Nanny Ogg on the shoulder. “Madam, your fur stole is eating my chocolates!”
    And someone tapped Granny Weatherwax on her shoulder. “Madam, kindly remove your hat.”
    Nanny Ogg choked on her peppermint.
    Granny Weatherwax turned to the red-faced gentleman behind her. “You do know what a woman in a pointy hat is, don’t you?” she said.
    “ Yes , madam. A woman in a pointy hat is sitting in front of me.”
    Granny gave him a stare. And then, to Nanny’s surprise, she removed her hat.
    “I do beg your pardon,” she said. “I can see I was inadvertently bad-mannered. Pray excuse me.”
    She turned back to the stage.
    Nanny Ogg started breathing again. “You feeling all right, Esme?”
    “Never better.”
    Granny Weatherwax surveyed the auditorium, oblivious to the sounds around her.
    “ I assure you, madam, your fur is eating my chocolates. It’s started on the second layer! ”
    “ Oh, dear. Show him the little map inside the lid, will you? He’s only after the truffles, and you can soon rub the dribble off the others .”
    “ Do you mind being quiet? ”
    “ I don’t mind, it’s this man and his chocolates that’s making the noise— ”
    A big room, Granny thought. A great big room without windows…
    There was a tingling in her thumbs.
    She looked at the chandelier. The rope disappeared into an alcove in the ceiling.
    Her gaze passed along the rows of Boxes. They were all quite crowded. On one, though, the curtains were almost closed, as if someone inside wanted to see out without being seen.
    Then Granny looked among the Stalls. The audience was mainly human. Here and there was the hulking shape of a troll, although the troll equivalent of operas usually went on for a couple of years. A few dwarf helmets gleamed, although dwarfs normally weren’t interested in anything without dwarfs in. There seemed to be a lot of feathers down there, and here and there the glint of jewelry. Shoulders were being worn bare this season. A lot of attention had been paid to appearances. The people were here to