Maybe the Moon

the cutest smile in his arsenal. Renee squealed with such conviction that even Mrs. Fortensky must have heard her.
    “I can’t believe this!” she said.
    “Believe it,” I said.
    “You sound like you’re under about a zillion mattresses.”
    I told her that’s what it felt like too.
    “Oh, gah, I’d get so…”
    Jeff found the word for her. “Claustrophobic.”
    “Excuse me there,” said one of the technicians, needing access to the elf’s beard.
    Renee jumped back. “Oh, excuse me.”
    “Maybe we’d better give them some space,” Jeff suggested.
    “No,” I said. “You’re OK.”
    “You sure?” asked Renee.
    “I think so,” I said. “Aren’t they, guys?”
    “No sweat,” said the younger and cuter of the technicians as he wove twigs into the beard.
    “My friends have never seen the suit before,” I explained.
    “Oh, yeah?”
    “Well, Jeff has—I think you guys have met—but this is Renee’s first time.”
    I couldn’t see Renee, of course, but I could feel her, blushing extravagantly. “I am the biggest fan of…this,” she said, indicating the shell that encased me. “I can’t believe I could just reach out and touch it.”
    “Go ahead,” I said.
    “Really?”
    “Touch away,” said the technician.
    Renee knelt and probed delicately at the pebbly flesh on the elf’s elbow. “It’s so amazing.”
    “Every one of those hairs was hand placed,” the technician told her.
    “You swear?”
    “Every one of ’em.”
    “How amazing!”
    “Isn’t it?”
    The technician knelt and joined Renee in her examination of the elf’s features. They were so close together, Renee and this guy, that I could see both their faces at once through the gauze peephole in the beard. Their heads were tilted at wacky angles, like those shots you get when two people cram into a photo booth. The guy had that look too; there was no mistaking it. I wondered how long he’d been hot for Renee, and if Renee had noticed, and what this might mean to us now.
    At first I was worried because I thought he’d never leave. Long after his partner had declared Mr. Woods in tip-top shape and retired somewhere for coffee, Cutie-pie remained, hopelessly smitten, chatting up Renee about every fucking wart and nodule on the elf’s nobbly little body. It became chillingly apparent that Renee was loving all this and had no idea whatsoever she might be fatally complicating our plans.
    Jeff knelt in front of me and gave me a long, loaded look through the gauze.
    “I know,” I said.
    “What now?” he asked through motionless lips.
    “Hang on.” I toddled over to the side of the room where Renee and the technician were lost in each other. “I hate to be a spoilsport, guys, but I need a little time to myself.”
    “Oh, sorry.” Renee looked mortified. “What time is it?”
    “Time for me to meditate.”
    “Huh?”
    “You know,” I said pointedly. “My preshow meditation?”
    “Oh, yeah.”
    “Maybe you guys could finish your conversation outside.”
    “Oh, no,” said Renee. “I’ll stay here.”
    By this, of course, she meant that she wanted to help with my transformation, blithely ignoring the fact that, somehow, we had to get the technician out of the room. I gave her the dirtiest look I could muster through the gauze.
    Then, mercifully, the stage manager poked his head through the door and called: “Ten minutes, Mr. Woods.”
    “All set,” I said.
    “Uh oh,” said the technician. “Better let you meditate.”
    “Thanks.”
    “No problem.”
    “It’s just a way I…get myself together.”
    “That’s cool. Nice meeting you all.”
    “Nice meeting you,” Renee said a little wistfully.
    As soon as the technician was gone, Jeff knelt before my beard again. “What now?”
    “Does that door lock?”
    “I think so.”
    “Lock it.”
    Within seconds, I heard the reassuring sound of a bolt being slid into place.
    Renee rushed to my peephole. “Cady, look, I’m really sorry if I…”
    “Forget it,” I said. “Get your kit. We’ve got nine minutes.”
    “I’ve already got it.”
    “Where’s Jeff?”
    “Right here,” he said, from somewhere behind me.
    “Remember where the snaps are?”
    “Sure.”
    “Go for it.”
    Within seconds, I felt the pressure of his fingers as they worked their way deftly down my back, peeling the rubber away like some horrid cocoon I was about to lose forever. I leaned forward to let the thing fall from me slowly, feeling the sweet coolness of