Mean Woman Blues

your business. Someone was sitting there now and hollering for toilet paper.
    “Goddammit!” one of the deputies hollered. “You bitches are out of control. Get off the phones. Up against the wall.”
    And then he locked them all in the holding tank, where they stayed for the next twenty or thirty minutes.
    Terri was terrified. “What’s going on?” she asked no one in particular. Most of the women ignored her, but one of them shrugged. “Never did figure it out. Think they go on break.”
    A woman deputy was standing outside the holding tank, in plain view of everyone, eating a small pack of chips. Eating it slowly. Very slowly. One chip at a time.
    She was either talking to herself or to someone just out of Terri’s sight. “Ain’t had a minute to myself all day. I’m going to enjoy my snack.” She spoke almost as slowly as she ate.
    Terri was becoming increasingly panicked. All bets were off in jail. She might be furious with Isaac, might never be his girlfriend again, but she could worry about that later. Right now, she needed him to bail her out.
    Eventually, another guard came along and unlocked the cell. With access to the phones once again (and with the fear of God in her), Terri dialed Isaac’s number, fingers flying, before she talked herself out of it. He came on the line.
    A recorded voice said, “This is Orleans Parish Prison…”
    Isaac hung up.
    That was the last thing Terri expected. He wouldn’t even talk to her. She sat back down, humbled, and shivered some more. Gradually, she realized the hang-up wasn’t personal, Isaac just wasn’t used to getting calls from prisoners, which, when you thought about it, spoke well for him. Finally, she got up the nerve to try again, and this time he heard the recording out “This is Orleans Parish Prison. Will you accept a collect call from…”
    “Terri,” she said, almost shouting. “Terri!” She’d nearly missed her cue.
    “Terri?” He spoke as if he’d never heard of her, and the phone disconnected itself.
    A guard came in again. “Okay, everybody off the phones. Up against the wall.”
    It was a long time before Terri got a chance at a phone again, and in the interim she debated once again the wisdom of calling this man who’d betrayed her. But every time, in spite of what she’d seen, Isaac won the argument simply because the thought of him was so comforting. She knew she’d be putting him out in a way that wasn’t right. With great embarrassment she even remembered that her last message to him was a cake thrown against his door. And in a way, that was the thing that tipped the scales. Because deep in her heart she knew that Isaac would leave the other woman— if she hadn’t already caught her plane— to come bail Terri out no matter if he was planning to run away and get married first thing in the morning.
    He just wouldn’t be able to stand the thought of Terri in jail. He’d probably do it for any of her current six or eight cellmates without even knowing their names. This was the kind of guy you wanted to see on the other side of the cell door. She might never see him again, she might wear out her welcome sometime in the next two hours, but she couldn’t help it Isaac was the person she needed.
    Once out of the cell and back in the holding tank, she tried him again. A woman answered, accepted the charges.
    “Terri? Terri, this is Lovelace, Isaac’s niece.”
    Niece?
Niece?
Terri was too astonished to answer. He hadn’t cheated on her. But why the hell had he lied about going home to see his mother?
    “I guess you saw me through the window tonight. Listen, Isaac said to tell you he’s on his way.”
    “On his way where?”
    “To bail you out. You poor thing. Did you get stopped for traffic tickets?”
    “Brake tag,” she said, nearly swooning with relief.
    “Oh, you poor, poor thing. I’m so sorry.”
    Terri barely heard her. She was getting out within the hour.
    After their wild goose chase, Isaac and Lovelace had gone home and had a glass of wine. She was flying first thing in the morning and felt the need of a soporific; he was upset.
    He called Terri every fifteen minutes, growing increasingly anxious. He talked his niece into another glass of wine.
    But, finally, as the living room was Lovelace’s bedroom, he had no choice but to leave her to get some sleep before her flight. He read for a while and finally fell asleep. He had no idea when the first call came, but he went back to sleep afterward. The