Mind Over Matter

herself against him. “Don’t let me go.”
     
    They dozed, still wrapped together, still drowsily content. Though most of his weight was on her, she felt light, free. Each time they made love, the sense of her own freedom came stronger. She was bound to him, but more liberated than she had ever been in her life. So she lay quietly as his heart beat slowly and steadily against hers.
    “TV’s still on,” David murmured.
    “Uh-huh.” The late-night movie whisked by, sirens blaring, guns blasting. She didn’t care.
    She linked her hands behind his waist. “Doesn’t matter.”
    “A few more minutes like this and we’ll end up sleeping here tonight.”
    “That doesn’t matter, either.”
    With a laugh, he turned his face to kiss her neck where the skin was still heated from excitement. Reluctantly he shifted his weight. “You know, with a few minor changes, we could be a great deal more comfortable.”
    “In the bed,” she murmured in agreement, but merely snuggled into him.
    “For a start. I’m thinking more of the long term.”
    It was difficult to think at all when he was warm and firm against her. “Which long term?”
    “Both of us tend to do a lot of running around and overnight packing in order to spend the evening together.”
    “Mmmm. I don’t mind.”
    He did. The more content he became with her, the more discontent he became with their arrangement. I love you. The words seemed so simple. But he’d never spoken them to a woman before. If he said them to her, how quickly would she pull away and disappear from his life? Some risks he wasn’t ready to take. Cautious, he approached in the practical manner he thought she’d understand.
    “Still, I think we could come up with a more logical arrangement.”
    She opened her eyes and shifted a bit. He could see there was already a line between her brows. “What sort of arrangement?”
    He wasn’t approaching this exactly as he’d planned. But then he’d learned that his usual meticulous plotting didn’t work when he was dealing with A.J. “Your apartment’s convenient to the city, where we both happen to be working at the moment.”
    “Yes.” Her eyes had lost that dreamy softness they always had after loving. He wasn’t certain whether to curse himself or her.
    “We only work five days a week. My house, on the other hand, is convenient for getting away and relaxing. It seems a logical arrangement might be for us to live here during the week and spend weekends at my place.”
    She was silent for five seconds, then ten, while dozens of thoughts and twice as many warnings rushed through her mind. “A logical arrangement,” he called it. Not a commitment, an “arrangement.” Or more accurately, an amendment to the arrangement they’d already agreed on. “You want to live together.”
    He’d expected more from her, anything more. A flicker of pleasure, a gleam of emotion. But her voice was cool and cautious. “We’re essentially doing that now, aren’t we?”
    “No.” She wanted to distance herself, but his body kept hers trapped. “We’re sleeping together.”
    And that was all she wanted. His hands itched to shake her, to shake her until she looked, really looked, at him and saw what he felt and what he needed. Instead he sat up and, in the unselfconscious way she always admired, began to dress. Feeling naked and defenseless, she reached for her blouse.
    “You’re angry.”
    “Let’s just say I didn’t think we’d have to go to the negotiating table with this.”
    “David, you haven’t even given me five minutes to think it through.”
    He turned to her then, and the heat in his eyes had her bracing. “If you need to,” he said with perfect calm, “maybe we should just drop it.”
    “You’re not being fair.”
    “No, I’m not.” He rose then, knowing he had to get out,get away from her, before he said too much. “Maybe I’m tired of being fair with you.”
    “Damn it, David.” Half-dressed, she sprang up to face him. “You casually suggest that we should combine our living arrangements, then blow up because I need a few minutes to sort it through. You’re being ridiculous.”
    “It’s a habit I picked up when I starting seeing you.” He should have left. He knew he should have already walked out the door. Because he hadn’t, he grabbed her arms and pulled her closer. “I want more than sex and breakfast. I want more than a quick roll in the sheets when our schedules make it