Moonglass

stretch, I exhaled into my knees and welcomed the time to not think about anything but running.
    “We’re going to head back into the canyon. I’ll be in front of you on my bike with water if you need it.” I leaned forward again and looked out of the corner of my eye for Jillian. She was already up on her feet, kicking out her legs. I stood up casually and stretched my arms above my head. Coach Martin glanced at each of us. “And one last thing. No racing. Let it go for today or you won’t last the run. Now, let’s go.”
    Our shoes crunched over the dirt track, first in a walk and then accelerating into a slow jog. I was conscious of Jillian a foot or so behind me, but didn’t alter my pace. When she caught up and I could see her in my peripheral vision, I queled the urge to pick it up. She looked over at me and nodded, and I nodded back. We squeezed through the gate that separated the track from the land behind the campus, and headed down a dirt road that twisted far back into the green canyon. The air was hot and dry until we rounded the first curve into it. Under the shade of towering eucalyptus trees, I began to relax into the pace and let fall away all of the things that weighed me down. I pictured the trail of them behind me—the cottage my mother had lived in; the unsettled feeling my dream had left me with; the fact that everywhere I went, someone knew something about my past that I didn’t—
    “Slow down.” Her words jolted me from my thoughts. “You don’t always have to run like you’re racing. Relax.” I checked my pace. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.”
    “Well, it’s gonna get even longer. He wasn’t joking about this being a distance day. So relax. Breathe.” She smiled over at me. “tell me about you and Tyler Evans.” I tried not to react, but felt a tiny wave of nervousness zing through me. “Nothing to tell , really.” She gave me a look as our shoes crunched together in rhythm. “Come on … spill it. We need something to talk about to take up this run.” I glanced around, cheeks burning. At our pace we’d left the rest of the girls trailing some distance behind. Her tone was easy and comfortable, so I figured it was safe. “All right. There’s nothing interesting to tell . We were both at this lifeguard bonfire, and we swam out to jump this rock, and I gave him every opening I possibly could have to make a move, but he didn’t. And I wasn’t naked. Or drunk.” I paused and glanced over at Jillian, who was smiling knowingly. “Too bad the truth doesn’t live up to the rumors, huh?”
    She rolled her eyes. “It never does. I figured it was something like that. Don’t worry about it. People just like to talk. They’ll forget by Friday.” We took a few more strides before she spoke again. “And don’t count Tyler out either. For all his cockiness, he’s actually kind of a gentleman, so I’m not surprised he didn’t do anything. It’s probably a good sign, actually. If you’re into him.”
    Oh, God. “Did you guys … I’m sorry. I had no idea—”
    She laughed out loud. “ Me? Oh, God , no. I didn’t date Tyler. No offense, but he’s not really my type.” We’d picked up the pace the slightest bit. “No, my sister went out with him a few times, and she said the same thing about him. That he passed up a few good moments before he actually kissed her.” The previous moment’s awkwardness paled in comparison to this. What was I supposed to say? That I knew about her sister? Ask about her? Say I was sorry? That I’d banish Tyler from my thoughts? I was so used to being on the other side of this conversation, I had no idea. “Oh, I …”
    “You don’t have to feel weird about it, though. She’s been gone for a couple of years—a bad car accident. Everyone else here knows, so you may as well hear it from me. Anyway, you should go for it. He’s a good guy.”
    She’d done perfectly what I’d never been able to do. Slipped it in casually, like she was long over it, and got on with the conversation. She hadn’t even left me room to say “I’m sorry” before moving on to Tyler. But I couldn’t not acknowlledge it.
    “Wow. I’m so sorry. About your sister, I mean.” I fumbled, but she rescued me.
    “It is what it is. Sometimes life throws shitty surprises at you and there’s nothing you can do about it, you know?” I nodded and inhaled deeply. It would have been a good moment to say “Yeah, I know what you mean” or something