Moonglass

day and night, and a stranger could have seen how happy she was. It was like you were her whole world then, and that world must have become beautiful for her, because when I saw the two of you together, there was no trace of that darkness she’d had before.” He trailed off, then looked at me, almost reluctantly. “But it must have come back.” The momentary lightness I had felt faded slowly at this, and I put my head down without speaking.
    His voice was gentler now, and he spoke slowly, as if trying to ease me into what he was about to say. “Sometimes … a person is up against more than they can handle.” He paused, long enough for me to wonder if he expected me to say something. But then he continued, and when he did, his voice quavered a bit. “And sometimes a person loses, no matter what they’re fighting for.” I didn’t understand what he meant. And I was frustrated. And tired. And now angry all over again. “Yeah?” I raised my eyebrows and my voice. “If I meant so much to her, she wouldn’t have lost. If you’re fighting for your whole world, how do you lose?” The words hung heavy between us, and the crawling man didn’t move. He drew in a shaky breath and let it out slowly before he spoke.
    “I lost. I fought for my whole world, and I lost.” He glanced down at the crosses, then back out at the water, and almost smiled. “I had a family once—a son, a daughter, and the love of my life.” He bit his lower lip and nodded slowly before speaking again. “And I lost ‘em out there, right in front of me.”
    My stomach went queasy. I flashed on the little boat. The kids’ proud faces as they stood in front of it and their father, who still had the same clear eyes, though years and life had weighed them down.
    I blinked once, twice, as if that would help me think of something to say.
    “It wasn’t your fault,” I said softly. He looked up at me, and my voice gained confidence. “It’s never been your fault. My dad has told that story to every lifeguard he’s ever trained, and he’s never once said it was your fault.”
    The crawling man looked at me steadily, and I went on.
    “There was nothing you could have possibly done, possibly seen…. It wasn’t your fault.” I wanted to grab him by his wiry shoulders and make him understand, so he could stop. Instead I watched him stare out at the water for a long moment before he spoke.
    He shook his head, ever so slightly. “They trusted me, and I couldn’t save them.” I remembered the cracking sound my head had made when it had hit the rocks. The pain was still there, but dulled. I was too afraid to raise my hand to my head and feel the spot. The rest of my body, battered from being dragged over the rocks, ached and burned. And yet I was here.
    “But you saved me. Today. On the rocks, in pounding surf, when there was no one else around and you could have drowned. You came from nowhere …
    and you saved me.”
    He looked up, and slowly it sunk in, enough to lighten his tired face just a bit.
    “I guess … I guess I did.”

CHAPTER 27
    The back door startled us both. “Hullo?” my dad’s voice called. “Anna?” He was in the kitchen, setting down his gear, from the sound of it.
    I cleared the emotion from my throat and brightened my voice as best I could. “In here.” The Crawler looked at me with wide eyes, unsure what to do. I gave him a look meant to keep him quiet, just as my dad walked in carrying a take-out bag.
    “Hey, hon. I got us some—” He looked from me to the Crawler, taking in our wet clothes and ragged appearance. “What—Is everything okay? What happened?” The concern in his voice made me feel instantly selfish and stupid for putting myself out there on the rocks. The what-ifs and possibilities would kill him. I struggled for an explanation.
    The Crawler cleared his throat and squinted up at my dad. “Joseph, is it?”
    My dad flinched slightly at this but recovered quickly and stuck his hand out, still trying to figure out what was going on. I kept quiet. “Uh … yes?” The Crawler grasped his extended hand. “John Carter.”
    Recognition smacked my dad square in the face at the same time I saw in my mind the bunk beds and black-and-white pictures of a little boy and girl, tanned arms around each other’s shoulders. And I understood why it had all been left there, just as it was.
    “Mr. Carter. I—Wow. I had no idea it was you…. I thought you left … you left everything…. You just