My Butterfly

Jules,” I said.
    Her eyes darted to mine.
    “I believe that there is a perfect someone for everyone, and I know that you still believe that too,” I said. “There is a perfect someone, even if the road to that someone isn’t all that perfect.”
    I felt the warm liquid behind my eyes again. It was an all-too-familiar part of our story in the last ten years or so.
    Then, I slowly turned and made my way back to my truck. And when I reached its door, I stopped, thought about turning back but didn’t. Instead, I opened the door and slid behind the wheel.
    I sat there for a moment, staring into the dashboard, still trying to figure out if my dreams had just slipped away right there on the hood of her car in the middle of this black night. I sat there trying to find the words to say that I hadn’t already said that would make her say that she loved me too. I searched through every moment that I had kept locked away in my chest for the last decade. I searched every piece of us, but I couldn’t seem to find another way to say: Stay with me, Julia. Love me like I love you. Be my world again. Love me.
    The turn of the key in the ignition was my head telling my heart it might be over. I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t say goodbye. If I was going to leave, if I had to leave, at least I was leaving with one, last tiny hope that this wasn’t goodbye.
    I slid Lou into gear, made a u-turn over the uneven ground and then felt the tires hit the loose gravel once again.

Chapter Forty-Two
    Radio
     
     
    I pulled back into the makeshift parking lot behind the stage and killed the engine. Then, I forced out a heavy sigh and lowered my head onto the steering wheel and let it rest there.
    “Will,” I heard a voice shout out a second later.
    I lifted my head to Chris staring at me from the other side of my window.
    “They’re lookin’ for you for the radio,” he said.
    I took a moment and then nodded my head.
    “Okay,” I said.
    I sighed and then slowly pulled on the door handle and stepped out onto the soft soil again.
    “They’re around the side,” I heard Chris say.
    I looked up at him and nodded my head again. Then, I shuffled around the corner of the stage and stopped. In front of me was a van with a radio station logo painted across its body. Its back doors were open, and there was a guy standing right beside one of the doors talking into a tiny mic that was attached to a big set of headphones. He noticed me and waved me over.
    I hesitated, then took a deep breath in and then slowly forced it out. And before I knew it, I was being escorted to the van and fit with my own tiny mic and set of big headphones.
    “This is 98.7 Wolf Country, and this is Jason David standing here with local heartthrob Will Stephens,” the host said. “Will, tell us what it felt like to sing for the first time in front of your hometown.”
    I didn’t say anything at first. Instead, I looked up and caught Matt standing a few yards away twirling his finger in a sideways, circular motion at me. My gaze froze on his moving finger for a second. Then, I quickly forced my attention back to Jason David and cleared my throat.
    “Well, it was a pleasure,” I said.
    As soon as I had gotten the words out, my eyes lowered and caught the outline of a small box inside my jeans pocket. I took another deep breath and then cleared my throat again and tried my best to force out more words.
    “I had my mom and dad and my grandma in the first row,” I said and then stopped.
    I looked up and caught Matt’s stare again. Now, he seemed to be nodding me onward.
    “And,” I continued, “I looked down one time, and even through the lights, I could see my grandma bustin’ some moves.”
    I tried to make the words that came out of my mouth sound happy, though I knew they were soft and unsure as to what happy actually was without her.
    “So, that was Grandma down there?” Jason asked. “I thought that was your sister.”
    I laughed, and it took me by surprise. I wasn’t sure I would be able to laugh again.
    “No, seriously,” I said and then stopped.
    My voice was still quiet. I concentrated hard on making it more audible.
    “It was great, a real treat for me to be here and to play for all of the people who have supported me to this point,” I said.
    “Now, Will, let us not forget what this whole concert is about,” he said. “It’s about raising some support for those victims of the recent floods, right? Tell us a little about