Necessary as Blood

if they belonged to a ventriloquist‘s dummy.
    ‘Where—‘ It was only a thread of sound, but, encouraged, he attempted to blink. The sudden flare of light seared his eyes, and the accompanying wave of pain carried him back into comforting dimness.

    *

    Hazel took the armchair, settling into the curve of it and tucking her feet up as if she needed the comfort. She‘d brought a tray holding a red teapot and mugs, a jug of milk and a plate of mixed biscuits from a supermarket package. It was the first time Gemma could recall Hazel offering something she hadn‘t made herself. Hazel had remembered, however, just how much milk Gemma liked, and poured for her before filling her own cup and cradling it between her hands.
    Gemma felt the hint of a breeze from the patio windows, and thought she caught the scent of lemons. The voices of the boys in the street came faintly from beyond the wall.
    When Hazel didn‘t speak, Gemma said slowly, ‘I thought, when you said you were coming home, that you and Tim might be getting back together.‘
    ‘No.‘ Haltingly, Hazel went on, ‘I had thought... but I‘m afraid it‘s just too complicated. Even if Tim could forgive me, I‘m not sure I can forgive myself.‘ The look she gave Gemma held an appeal. ‘I had everything, Gem. Marriage, family, home, career — and I threw it all away.‘
    ‘But you loved Donald Brodie. If things hadn‘t gone so terribly wrong—‘
    ‘Did I?‘ Hazel sat forward, sloshing her tea. She rubbed at the wet edge of her mug with her thumb. ‘Did I really love him? Or was I just bored, and desperate for attention? It was a fantasy. It would never have worked, even if—‘ She swallowed, shook her head. ‘But none of that matters. What does is that I was willing to hurt Holly, and Tim, and I can‘t take that back.‘
    ‘And Tim, does he feel that way, too?‘
    ‘I don‘t know. He says he‘d like to try, but I think once the novelty wore off, it would eat at him. How could it not? How could he ever trust me?‘
    Gemma was about to urge her friend not to be so hard on herself, but seeing Hazel‘s obstinate expression, changed tack. ‘Then why have you come back? I thought you loved Carnmore.‘ The distillery, tucked away in one of the most remote regions of the Scottish Highlands, had seemed horribly isolated to Gemma, but she hadn‘t been able to dissuade Hazel from staying.
    ‘I did. I do. And I had an obligation. But the distillery is back on its feet now, and there are those better qualified to run it than I.‘ Hazel set down her cup and leaned forward, the light from the patio window revealing the dark shadows under her eyes. And I found I wasn‘t made of as strong stuff as I thought. I was homesick, and I just couldn‘t face another winter. It wasn‘t fair to Holly, living like that, the two of us on our own for weeks at a time. She needs her dad, and a familiar environment, and a good school...‘
    Hazel seemed to hesitate, then said, ‘Holly‘s going to stay in Islington with Tim during the week, Gemma. We‘ve worked it all out. She can go to school just down the street from the house, and Tim will be working at home, so he can easily arrange after-school care for her.‘
    ‘But, Hazel, you‘re her mum—‘ Gemma‘s arguments died on her lips. She knew the decision would have been difficult for Hazel, and she knew Hazel‘s tenacity once she had made up her mind. Instead, she regrouped, trying to find something positive. ‘So Holly will spend weekends with you?‘
    ‘Yes, and we can always juggle schedules if it‘s needed. I asked Tim to keep her over today so that we could have some time together.‘
    ‘But what will you do?‘ Gemma asked. Hazel, like Tim, had been a family therapist, but after the disintegration of her own marriage she‘d felt she wasn‘t fit to counsel others. ‘Will you go into practice again?‘
    ‘No. I‘m going to work in a cafe.‘ For the first time since her greeting, Hazel‘s smile seemed to reach her eyes. ‘It‘s a new venture in Kensington. I know the chef, and she needs a general dogsbody, I can cook, or serve, or run the cash register. Right now it‘s only breakfast through tea, but if we open for dinner I‘ll be able to do evening shifts during the week. You‘ll have to come for lunch some day. It‘s just behind Kensington High Street. Now‘ — she refilled Gemma‘s cup and her own with a briskness that seemed more like her old self — ‘tell me about you.