Never Forget (Memories)

her eyes are rimmed with red. Like me, she has no make up on and her hair is pulled up in a messy bun. I guess today is a day of firsts for both of us.
    It's still early so there's barely anyone here. The local news plays silently on the television in the corner, but I'm oblivious to the written headlines scrolling across the bottom of the screen.
    I remember the paramedic's words. Medical history. I don't even know Gram's medical history, apart from her hip replacement. She's healthy, isn't she?
    "Dad?" I ask. He looks at me with red eyes. "What did the paramedic mean when he said, 'with her medical history it's to be expected'?"
    Dad sighs and his face softens even more. Wrinkles in the corners of his eyes I'd never noticed before are suddenly clear to me. Have I been so wrapped up in my own life I couldn't even see my own father getting older?
    "Your Gram has a history of heart disease. She was diagnosed two years ago, and it's always been controlled with medication. Until now."
    The world stops as my mind processes this revelation.
    Heart disease?
    "Does that mean she's gonna die?" My bottom lip trembles as I attempt to hold it together.
    "Oh, baby, no," Mum says comfortingly and moves to the seat next to me. She wraps her arms around me and rocks me the way she used to when I was child. "Not at all, it just means her heart needed a little break. It's so full of love it had to go for a lie down."
    I know she's lying. I even know she's explaining it to me the way you would a child, but I don't care.
    Right now, I don't feel like I'm eighteen, an adult. I feel the way I did when Grandpa had his stroke. I remember sitting in this very room, swinging my legs under me and asking what was going on.
    The room closes in on me as the memories flood back, and I start to cry again.
    "What do we do now?" Bing asks, his voice cracking.
    Even my hardened big brother is breaking.
    "We wait," Dad says softly.
    So we wait.

    ~
    And we wait.

    ~
    And we wait.

    ~

    After what seems like a lifetime, the doctor approaches us with clipboard in hand.
    "Mrs. Edwards?" He looks at Mum.
    "Yes, that's me." She stands and shakes his outstretched hand.
    "I'm Doctor Hamilton, your mother's physician. Is this your family?"
    "Yes, my husband Simon, and our children, Samuel and Alexis."
    Dr. Hamilton shakes all our hands. "I'm just coming to let you know that we're about to transfer your mother to ICU. Our tests have shown she's suffered a particularly nasty heart attack, most likely triggered by her heart disease, so we've decided the best option was to sedate her for twenty-four hours. She's in a stable condition for now, so we have our fingers crossed she'll wake sometime tomorrow. If you head on up to ICU in about twenty minutes, you'll be able to pop in and see her."
    Mum thanks him profusely and he nods his goodbye.
    ICU.
    Intensive care.
    Sedated.
    Heart attack.
    Numbly, I follow my family down the corridors. They're all the same.
    White.
    Bland.
    Plain.
    Clinical.
    The lift doors whir open outside ICU. I don't remember stepping inside it.
    We wash our hands with the gel stationed outside the locked doors and we get buzzed in.
    I slip my hand into Bing's and he squeezes it gently.
    Mum pulls the curtains open and I hear her small gasp. Dad puts his arm around her shoulders and I close my eyes. I don't want to look.
    I don't want to see her.
    "I can't do it," I whisper hoarsely. "I can't."
    "You can. Just a look and I'll take you home. I'll drive back for the 'rents." Bing tugs me forward and I slowly open my eyes.
    Tubes.
    Machines.
    Beeping.
    They're everywhere.
    Amongst them all is Gram. She's so still, so peaceful. I kiss her cheek gently, smelling her face powder.
    Of course. Only Grammy would time a heart attack for after she'd applied her powder.
    I half laugh, half choke on my tears at my thoughts.
    "Love you," I whisper to her. "But I can't stay, Grammy. I don't like seeing you this way. I'll be back tomorrow, so you wake up and I promise you can tease me about Alec all you like and remind me how you were right."
    Bing says something along the same lines, minus the part about Alec and plus a bottle of Baileys or Vino.
    If anything will wake her up, it's the promise of Vino.

    ~

    Ten missed calls. Fifteen text messages. Four voice mails.
    Jen. Alec. Carl.
    Where are you?
    Is your gram okay?
    Princess you there? xxx
    Mrs Banks saw the ambulance. Call me Princess xxx
    The texts are all the same. I don't bother listening to the