Never Forget (Memories)

tears.
    My door eases open and he comes in slowly. He takes one look at me and his eyes narrow.
    "What's happened?"
    "You know." I put my head down and hug a pillow tight.
    "No, what else? I'm not stupid, Lexy." He sits on the bed and pushes my hair from my face.
    Clouds drift by my window slowly, morphing shapes.
    "He knew," I say, tears filling my eyes again. I take a deep breath and laugh bitterly. "He knew, Bing, the whole fucking time , he knew! And you know what? He kept it from me. He lied."
    Tears course down my cheeks and I shake as hopelessness races through my body like it's a high speed chase.
    "Lexy.."
    I shake my head and roll away from him, getting up.
    "You knew!" I shout in a high voice. "You, Mum, Dad, Alec. You all fucking knew she was ill and you kept it from me! You all lied to me, Bing! Was I not good enough to know? Did you think it wouldn't hurt me when I found out? Were you ever gonna tell me, huh?"
    He stands and rubs his hand over his face. "Mum made the decision not to tell you, okay? Mum wanted you to be happy this summer. None of us knew Gram would have a heart attack while we were here. We thought-"
    "She'd have one when no one was there to phone an ambulance?" I cry, my chest heaving. " Get out! "
    "Lexy-"
    "Get out, Bing! I don't want to see you! Any of you!" I scream at him.
    "Okay, sis." He stops at the door. "When you've calmed down, you know where I am."
    He shuts the door and I wipe at my eyes furiously. I see the photo frame and act reflexively.
    I throw the frame at my door.
    Bang.
    The glass shatters with my heart, pieces of both flying into oblivion. I sink to the floor, my hair in my hands. Pain, broken dreams.
    Blue grey eyes seared into my mind.
    I scream out a sob and lie on my side. Too much pain, too much heartbreak.
    I can't see through the tears. I can't breathe through the heaving of my chest. I can't think through the day's events flashing through my mind in his eyes.
    Grammy. Alec. Grammy. Alec.
    The frame lies on the floor, taunting me, reminding me of what was.
    Two smiling faces.
    Three weeks of maybes, indecision, trust building.
    Three weeks of kisses, laughing, and shared moments.
    Six weeks of half-truths. Six weeks of lies, of secrets.
    Six weeks to fall in love.
    A second for it to all come crushing down.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

    ALEC

    I lean back against the rock, looking aimlessly out to sea.
    Numb. That's how I feel.
    Is this what heartbreak feels like?
    I want to kick myself. I want to kick myself over and over for not telling her before, for letting her find out the way she did.
    And a part of me wants to kick myself for telling her I knew at all.
    The look in her eyes.. I saw her heart crumble. I saw the last few weeks...
    Disappear. Like they never happened.
    I kick the sand. Stupid stupid stupid!
    Leaning my head back, I gaze up at the passing clouds. Kick the rock. And again. Like the pain from it could outweigh the pain in my heart, the pain of losing Lexy.
    "Stupid!" I yell, turning to punch the rock.
    A graze. A few drops of blood. A flinch.
    Nothing.. Nothing compares to it. I punch it again.
    "Alec! What the fuck are you doing?!" Jen yells.
    I flatten my hands against the rock and lean forwards, dropping my head.
    "If you're here to kick my ass, then don't fuckin' bother. I'm a prick. I know."
    "I'm not here to kick your ass.'' She puts a hand on my arm. "I'm here to make sure you're okay, and seeing you punching the rock doesn't exactly reassure me you are. I mean, c'mon, Alec, what the hell did the poor rock do to you?"
    I look up at her. Beyond her jokes is concern.
    "Why aren't you with Lexy?"
    "Her family is there. She'll call when she needs me. You're my friend, Alec, and as much as I take the piss I do care."
    I exhale and shut my eyes, shaking my head. "Then no. No, I'm not okay. If I'm honest, I'm waiting for Bing to come down here and kick my ass."
    Jen leans against the rock next to me and folds her arms across her chest. "Bing ain't coming."
    "It's nothing less than I deserve for breaking her heart, Jen."
    "It's not at all. She's hurting, Alec. She's had a rough day. Bing gets why you didn't tell her, really, he does. He ain't mad at you, boy. He didn't tell her either."
    "I broke her fuckin' heart, Jen!" I yell and smack the rock again. "You've seen her. She's in pieces and that's my fault! I should be holdin' her right now, making it better and instead I made it worse."
    I look up at her and by the softening of her expression I