Night Watch

was so cold.”
    “A morgue does that to people,” said Sweeper in a matter-of-fact voice.
    “Now please pay attention, Commander,” said Qu. “When we operate the—”
    Vimes looked up, violence in his eyes. Sweeper laid a hand on Qu’s arm.
    “We’ve got things to do for a minute or two,” he said.
    “Yes, but it’s vital that he knows how—”
    “We’ve got things to do for a minute or two, ” Sweeper repeated, making a face.
    “Oh? What? Oh. Yes. Er…we’ve got, er…things. To do. Things to do…er…things.”
    They wandered away. Out of the corner of his eye, Vimes saw them walking back and forth across the street, as if taking measurements.
    He looked back at John Keel. But what could you say? Sorry you’re dead? Keel had originally died on the barricades, not in a street fight. But he was just as dead, all the same.
    Vimes was hazy on religion. He attended Watch funerals and went to such religious events as the proper fulfilling of the office of commander entailed, but as for the rest…well, you saw things sometimes that made it impossible to believe not only in gods, but also in common humanity and your own eyes. From what he could remember, Keel had felt the same way. You got on with things. If there was any gods, you expected them to get on with things, too, and didn’t interrupt them while they were working.
    What could you say to a dead copper? What would he want said?
    Ah…
    He leaned closer.
    “Carcer’s going to bloody swing for this,” he said and stood back.
    Behind him, Sweeper coughed theatrically.
    “Ready, Your Grace?” he said.
    “Ready enough,” said Vimes.
    “We were telling you about the armor,” said Sweeper. “It’ll—”
    “The thing is, Commander,” Qu interrupted, “that you and this fellow Carcer and all the clothes and possessions you arrived with form an elongated trans-time anomaly, which is under considerable tension.”
    Vimes looked at Sweeper.
    “It’s very, very hard to move things out of the time where they belong, but it takes much less effort to move them back to where they were,” Sweeper translated.
    Vimes carried on staring.
    “Everything really, really wants to be back where it should be,” Sweeper tried.
    “You’re right there,” said Vimes.
    “All we do is…grease the way,” said Sweeper. “We give a little push, and it’ll all snap back. And away you go. Have you had anything to eat this morning?”
    “No!”
    “Shouldn’t be too messy, then,” said Sweeper. When Vimes looked puzzled, he went on: “Undigested food. It’ll stay here, you see.”
    “You mean it’ll come tearing out of—”
    “No, no, no,” said Qu quickly. “You won’t notice. But a nourishing meal when you get back would be a good idea.”
    “And the armor stays here?”
    Qu beamed. “Yes, Your Grace. Everything. Eyepatch, socks, everything.”
    “Boots, too?”
    “Yes. Everything.”
    “What about my drawers?”
    “Yes, those too. Everything.”
    “So I’ll arrive in the nuddy? ”
    “The one costume that’s in fashion anywhere,” said Sweeper, grinning.
    “Then why did all my armor arrive with me when I came?” said Vimes. “And damn Carcer had his knives, that’s for sure!”
    Qu opened his mouth, but Sweeper answered faster.
    “It takes a thousand steps to get to the top of a mountain but one little hop’ll take you all the way back to the bottom,” he said. “Okay?”
    “Well, I suppose it makes sen—” Vimes began.
    “That isn’t how it works at all, Lu-Tze!” wailed Qu.
    “No,” said Sweeper, “but it’s a bloody good lie. Look, Commander, we don’t have a damn great thunderstorm and we don’t have enough stored time. This is a field operation. It’s the best we can do. We’ll get you back, and your prisoner, although you almost certainly won’t arrive in the same place, ’cos of quantum. It’s hard enough making sure you don’t arrive two hundred feet in the air, believe me. Pushing all your clothes as well, when they belong here, that just takes too much power. Now, are you ready? You need to go back to where you were standing. Get to Carcer as soon as you can. You must grab him, otherwise he’ll stay behind.”
    “Okay, but I’ve changed lots of things!” said Vimes.
    “Leave that to us,” said Sweeper.
    “What about Keel?” said Vimes, walking away with reluctance.
    “Don’t worry. We told you at the temple. We’ll put him in your armor. He’ll have died in battle.”
    “Make