Night Watch

very steady hand.
    “I don’t think I quite under—” he began.
    “It’s a wooden thing to make it easier to darn socks,” said Sandra. “I hit him behind the ear with it.”
    Vimes gave her a blank look for a while and then said: “Fine. Fine. I’m sitting very still, believe me.”
    “Good,” said Rosie.
    She swept out, and it was a real sweep, the dress brushing the ground. There were big, expensive double doors. When she opened them, the noise of a meeting filled the room. There was conversation, the smell of cigar smoke and alcohol, and a voice said “—to change the dominant episteme—” before the doors breathed shut.
    Vimes stayed seated. He was getting attached to the chair, and on current showing someone was likely to hit him again soon.
    Sandra, still holding the bow, placed a very large glass of whiskey beside him.
    “You know,” he said, “in times to come people will wonder how all those weapons got smuggled around the city.”
    “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
    “And it’s because the lads in the Watch never bother about the seamstresses, curfew or no curfew,” said Vimes, staring at the whiskey. “Or posh coaches,” he added. “A watchman can get into real trouble if he tries that.” He could smell the stuff from here. It was the good stuff from the mountains, not the local rubbish.
    “You didn’t tell anyone about the basket,” said Sandra. “Or hand us over to the Unmentionables. Are you one of us?”
    “I doubt it.”
    “But you don’t know who we are!”
    “I still doubt it.”
    And then he was aware of the doors opening and shutting, and the rustle of a long dress.
    “Sergeant Keel? I’ve heard so much about you! Please leave us, Sandra. I’m sure the good sergeant can be trusted with a lady.”
    Madam was only a little shorter than Vimes. Could be from Genua, he thought, or spent a lot of time there. Trace of it in the accent. Brown eyes, brown hair—but a woman’s hair could be any color tomorrow—and a purple dress that looked more expensive than most. And an expression that said quite clearly that the owner knew what was going to happen and was going along with things just to make sure—
    “Don’t forget the intricately painted fingernails,” she said. “But if you’re trying to guess my weight, don’t expect to get any help from me. You can call me Madam.”
    She sat down in a chair opposite him, put her hands together and stared at him over the top of them.
    “Who are you working for?” she said.
    “I’m an officer of the City Watch,” said Vimes. “Brought here under duress…Madam.”
    The woman waved a hand. “You’re free to go whenever you wish.”
    “It’s a comfy chair,” said Vimes. He’d be damned if he’d be dismissed. “Are you really from Genua?”
    “Are you really from Pseudopolis?” Madam smiled at him. “I find, personally, that it never pays to be from somewhere close at hand. It makes life so much easier. But I have spent a lot of time in Genua, where I have…business interests.” She smiled at him. “And now you’re thinking ‘old seamstress,’ no doubt?”
    “Actually, I was thinking ‘bespoke tailoring,’” said Vimes, and she burst out laughing. “But mostly,” he added, “I was thinking ‘revolutionary.’”
    “Continue, Sergeant.” Madam stood up. “Do you mind if I have some champagne? I’d offer you some, but I understand that you don’t drink.”
    Vimes glanced at the brimming whiskey glass beside him.
    “We were just checking,” said Madam, hauling a large bottle out of an industrial-capacity ice bucket.
    “You’re not a sergeant. Rosie was right. You’ve been an officer. More than just any old officer, too. You’re so composed, Sergeant Keel. Here you are, in a big house, in a lady’s boudoir, with a woman of uneasy virtue,” Madam upended the bottle into what appeared to be a blue mug with a teddy bear on it, “and you appear unfussed. Where are you from? You may smoke, by the way.”
    “Somewhere a long way off,” said Vimes.
    “Uberwald?”
    “No.”
    “I have…business interests in Uberwald,” said Madam. “Alas, the situation there is becoming quite unstable.”
    “Right. I see,” said Vimes. “And you’d like to have the significant-pause type of business interests in Ankh-Morpork, I expect. If it can be stabilized.”
    “ Very good. Let us say that I think this city has a wonderful future and that I would like to be part of