Nobody's Fool

out just as Officer Raymer finished writing the ticket.
    Sully took it with good grace, opened the passenger side door andtossed it into the glove box. “Who do you like in the game Saturday?” he said genially.
    The policeman looked suspicious, but this particular topic was too tempting, Sully too convincingly interested in his opinion. “Ah, Schuyler,” he said sadly. “They’re too damn big.”
    Sully nodded. “You played for Bath, didn’t you?”
    â€œVarsity, three years,” Office Raymer said proudly.
    â€œI’d sure like to see our kids win one,” Sully said, starting around the El Camino. “Maybe then they’d go out into the world and make something of their lives.”
    Officer Raymer started to agree, then caught a whiff of something. His nose actually wrinkled.
    â€œThe losers all stay around here and become cops.” Sully grinned, opening the door of the El Camino.
    When the policeman actually rested his hand on the butt of his revolver, Sully laughed out loud.
    â€œI heard a great joke,” Wirf said, pivoting on his bar stool when Sully came in off the street, having given up entirely on work for the day. There was a certain degree of aggravation beyond which Sully would not go, and today he’d reached it. There were days when the world set up more than its usual phalanx of obstacles, and when Sully sensed this principle in action he hung it up. “You’ll appreciate it, too, since it’s the story of your life,” Wirf said.
    â€œI bet I don’t laugh,” Sully said, winking up at Birdie, the day bartender, who had climbed up onto a stool to adjust the focus on her soap channel. The picture came in fine as long as she stood there.
    â€œThis guy wants to get on the freeway,” Wirf began.
    â€œStop a minute,” Sully told him. “I like to concentrate when I look up Birdie’s skirt.”
    Birdie fiddled with the fine tuning, unconcerned. “There’s nothing up there anymore,” she said. “How come the only channel we don’t get worth a sour old dog turd is the channel my soaps are on?”
    â€œI see something up there,” Sully said, leaning forward. “But I’m not sure what.”
    â€œThis guy’s heading up an off ramp by mistake,” Wirf said. “Off to the side there’s this sign that says ‘Wrong Way.’ ”
    â€œI swear to God I’m going to quit if Tiny doesn’t spring for cable,”Birdie said, finally climbing down. “Look at that. You can’t tell who’s in bed with who.”
    â€œThey all look alike to me anyhow,” Sully said, craning his neck to see the TV. “And I don’t think that’s a bed.”
    â€œYou gotta watch every day,” Birdie said. “Otherwise soaps don’t make sense.”
    â€œSo the guy keeps going anyway,” Wirf continued. “And pretty soon there’s another sign. This one’s all in capital letters. It says ‘ YOU’RE GOING THE WRONG WAY .’ ”
    â€œYou had a call about half an hour ago,” Birdie said.
    â€œMiles Anderson?” Sully guessed.
    â€œWoman,” Birdie said. “Said she’d reach you at home tomorrow morning.”
    â€œSo the guy keeps going up the off ramp,” Wirf continued. “Now there’s a great big sign with huge red letters that says ‘ DANGER! TURN AROUND! ’ ”
    Sully fished around in his pocket for change that wasn’t there. He handed Birdie a dollar bill. “How about some quarters?” he said. Birdie was squinting at the set intently.
    â€œAnyway,” Wirf said. “The guy ignores the sign and keeps going the wrong way, and just before he hits the oncoming traffic there’s a tiny sign on the shoulder that says ‘What the hell, you’ve come this far.’ ”
    Birdie slapped four quarters onto the bar in front of Sully.
    Wirf picked his money off the bar and stood up. “I don’t know why I even come in here,” he said.
    â€œTo be among friends?” Sully guessed.
    â€œThat must be it.” Wirf nodded.
“Vaya con huevos, amigos.
”
    â€œThat was a pretty terrific joke, Wirf,” Sully called to Wirf’s retreating figure. “Laugh, I thought I’d die.”
    â€œAll you people should treat me better,” Wirf said over his shoulder. “When I’m gone,