Notorious Nineteen

suppose I should go downstairs and explain this to them,” Morelli said.
    “What will you say?”
    “I’ll say I haven’t a clue. And I’m absolutely not going to tell anyone I picked it up and chucked it out your window.” He turned when he got to the door. “I want you to call Ranger and tell him I’m not happy.”
    Bob and I watched the circus in the parking lot for a while and I called Ranger.
    “Morelli wants me to tell you he’s not happy,” I said to Ranger.
    “I already talked to Morelli.”
    “Was he happy?”
    “No.”
    “Your guy shot a missile into my living room.”
    “Yeah, he hit Amanda Olesen’s townhouse too. He shot it into her front window.”
    “Was anyone hurt?”
    “No, but the townhouse was destroyed. Amanda and Kinsey were in the back of the house when the explosion occurred.”
    “Where are they now?”
    “I have them in a safe house.”
    “Are they going through with the wedding?” I asked.
    “They’re trying to decide.”
    “They should cancel. It’s too dangerous.”
    “Babe, you just want to get out of wearing the pink dress.”
    “True.”
    Bob and I were watching the game when Morelli finally came back to the apartment. I heard the door open and slam shut, locks were flipped, and Morelli went into the kitchen. A minute later he came to the couch with a beer in his hand.
    “Well?” I asked.
    “It was a direct hit on my car. There’s nothing left of it.”
    I bit into my lower lip to keep from smiling. I didn’t want to make matters worse by laughing at Morelli, but there was some humor to the fact that Morelli tossed the thing onto his own car. Of course, there was also the possibility that in my state of mild hysteria the line between horrible and hilarious was blurred, and it wasn’t all that funny that Morelli blew his car up.
    “Sorry,” I said.
    Morelli chugged down a bottle of beer. “It’s you. You’re a disaster magnet. I’m surprised this building hasn’t been wiped out by a tornado. How could it possibly have escaped a tornado?”
    “Maybe tomorrow.”
    “I’m serious,” Morelli said. “You’re like one of those people who keep getting hit by lightning.”
    “Hey, it’s no picnic for me either. Do you think I like having rockets shot into my living room? Do you think I like getting poisoned, threatened with cremation, and forced into a pink taffeta dress?”
    “Don’t forget the stun gun,” Morelli said. “You got stunned. And this all happened in one week .”
    I sucked in some air and burst into tears. “You’re right,” I said, sobbing. “And it’s even worse. I got two more cars totally toasted and my arm slashed. I’m a walking time bomb.”
    “Oh jeez,” Morelli said, putting his beer bottle down and wrapping his arms around me. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I hate when you cry. I got carried away with the disaster magnet thing.”
    “I’m a big, humongous mess! I need an exorcist.”
    He wiped away a tear that had streaked down my face. “You’re not that much of a mess, Cupcake. And to tell you the truth I don’t think an exorcist would help a lot. It’s not like you’re a biblical mess. You just have a knack for rolling in dog doo.”
    I wiped my nose on the back of my hand. “That’s awful.”
    “It’s not so bad. Bob rolls in dog doo, and we love Bob, right?”
    “Yes.”
    “Well, there you have it.” Morelli kissed me on the top of my head. “You know what you need? A beer. I could use another one too. Don’t go away.”
    I watched Morelli trot off to the kitchen, and I was half worried he wasn’t coming back. If I was in his shoes, I might be tempted to grab Bob and head for the hills. Of course Morelli didn’t have a car so I guess that would slow him down.
    At any rate, he was right. I needed a beer. And he was right about the dog doodie too. Even when I was a kid I had a knack for pushing the boundaries of common sense and normal behavior. I walked into the boys’ bathroom in grade school because I was convinced I was invisible. I jumped off the roof of my parents’ garage because I thought I could fly. And that was the tip of the iceberg.
    And I’m still pushing boundaries, flopping around in water that’s over my head. And here’s the scary part that I wouldn’t say out loud to anyone . . . I’m a little addicted to it. I like my crazy job and my disaster-prone life. Not that I want a bomb in my living room, but I’ve come to like the adventure. I was hooked into the