Now or Never

makes everything okay.”
    “You’re not one to toss stones. You haven’t exactly been ‘Miss Innocent’ in all of this. I recall you leaving with two men at bars, and not to mention the SEAL.”
    “But I was honest with you. You lied to me. Looked me straight in the face and lied to me. Over and over again,” Grayson’s voice rose with each word she spoke.
    “Calm down, Gray. I’m trying to be honest with you, and it’s not easy. I’ve never been one to explain myself to others. I only moved in with her because I was getting deployed for three months, my lease was getting ready to run out, and I would only be back in the states for three months before I left again. She offered her place, and I accepted. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It saved me money, and I didn’t have to keep putting stuff in storage. It was an arrangement. That was how I saw it. An arrangement and nothing more.”
    “Did you have your own room?”
    Derrick looked away. “No.”
    “And you had the nerve to get pissed off at me?” Grayson clenched her fist at her side. “I can’t do this anymore.”
    “Gray.” He reached out to touch her, but she pulled away.
    “Don’t call me that. Why did I let myself fall for you? I knew it was stupid. Heather warned me. My sister warned me, but I didn’t listen. I couldn’t listen. You were like some damn addiction. I couldn’t get enough of you. The more you pulled away, the more I wanted you.”
    Reaching for her hand, he said, “It’s the same for me. The day you laid your stupid rules out, I knew you were bad news. But, there was something about you. I just couldn’t walk away. Believe me, I tried, several times.”
    “Chemistry?” she said bitterly.
    He shook his head. “Chemistry fades. It’s got to be more than physical attraction.” He traced the curve of her upper lip, and she trembled at his touch. Taking her hand, Derrick caressed her skin with his thumb. “I want you Gray. I’ve always wanted you.”
    “Obviously not enough,” she said pulling away from his grasp, tucking her hands beneath her thighs.
    “That’s not true. I was confused. I’m used to being on my own and not getting deeply involved. It’s always been about sex for me. I used women. I’m a selfish bastard. The way you make me feel scares the hell out of me. You’re a chink in the armor.”
    Grayson rolled her eyes. “What does that even mean?”
    “Like, you were warned. I never settle down. I haven’t wanted to after my ex cheated on me. I never wanted to feel that vulnerable again. Hell, I can’t even recall most of the girls’ names I’ve been with.”
    “What about Megan?”
    “I know it doesn’t make sense to you. It doesn’t really make sense to me either. I thought of her as a friend. She’s like one of the guys. She’s got a lot of issues, but I’ve never felt anything for her. I don’t even really like her, but she was nice enough to help me out, and I took advantage of it. She knew I ‘dated’ other women. She didn’t care. I guess I started acting different once I met you.”
    “Different how exactly?”
    “For one, I stopped seeing other women and kept you a secret. Another thing, I think in the last five or six months since we met, Megan and I only had sex twice. And trust me, she’s very persistent.”
    Grayson couldn’t help the twist in her stomach at the thought of him with another woman. “I don’t get why you told me you lived with a guy on your team; a guy who had a child.”
    Derrick shrugged. “I’m a liar, Gray. I used the same line on everyone, and it was just a habit. My training goes with the mentality, you tell a lie, and you take it to the grave. Sometimes I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. So I don’t expect you to still want to be with me. I just felt I owed you the truth.”
    Grayson let the information sink in. As angry and hurt as she felt, the reality was she hadn’t behaved much better herself. They were a mess.
    “Are you sure you don’t have more feelings for Megan then you want to admit?” she asked softly.
    Derrick laughed bitterly. “I’m positive.”
    “Well, you must like her to be in her company so often.”
    “Not necessarily. I assure you, Gray, she doesn’t make my palms sweaty and my knees weak, the way you do.” His voice was low and tightened things deep within her. He always knew what to say to bring her back.
    Clearing her throat, Grayson sat up straighter. “So where does that