Nyx in the House of Night

case you don’t have a TV or the internet, or live under a rock, polygamy—or at least polygyny—has made its way onto the boob tube, and not in a very female-friendly way.
    From BET to HBO to TLC, our televisions are flooded with images of men with multiple women. Rap music and videos preach and depict that it doesn’t only make you a bigger, better, badder man to have a nice car with big rims, but also that it is imperative to be with as many women as possible. Because what woman doesn’t want a guy with nice rims, undiagnosed STDs, and a plethora of baby mamas? (Having a kid with a woman may not be marriage, but it’s still a long-term commitment.) HBO’s Big Love depicts a Mormon polygamist family, and producers spent years researching the show’s premise to be sure they depicted the fake family’s lifestyle fairly and without bias. TLC’s new show Sister Wives (which I record and watch religiously) follows the real-life activities and drama of a polygamist family and how they handle the addition of a fourth wife.
    Much like how the news has desensitized us to violence, our cable televisions have desensitized us to this seriously unbalanced patriarchal practice. Where’s our modern polyandry? On an episode of Sister Wives , Kody, the husband, and his first wife, Mary, were out to dinner for their twenty-year anniversary. Mary began a conversation about a fourth wife who would soon enter their plural family and the jealousy issues she was dealing with. When she asked him how he would feel if she was giving attention to another guy, Kody was clearly taken aback and responded to her by saying, “Obviously, that’s just not something I’m comfortable with imagining. The vulgarity of the idea of you with two husbands, or another lover, sickens me. It seems wrong to God and nature” (“1st Wife’s 20th Anniversary,” 1-5). Hmm, interesting.
    Today, plural marriage—which is the fundamentalist Mormon phrase for polygyny—is practiced among thousands mostly in the United States, Mexico, and Canada. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (in the United States this is usually the church that people automatically think of when they think about polygamy) says that they totally prohibit plural marriage and have for the past hundred years and “if any of our members are found to be practicing plural marriage, they are excommunicated, the most serious penalty the Church can impose. Not only are those so involved in direct violation of the civil law, they are in violation of the law of this Church.” But church law isn’t the only law broken in polygamist relationships since they are illegal. Yep, I said illegal, not that the thirty to fifty thousand people who participate actually care since they have an extremely small chance of actually being prosecuted. Well, unless there’s evidence of abuse, rape, welfare fraud, or tax evasion.
    Though Mormonism prohibits plural marriage, it does acknowledge polygamy. To Mormons, though, it is a divine principle that applies in heaven but is not practiced on earth. Polygamy was first introduced into the faith in the 1830s by Joseph Smith, who was considered God’s authorized servant on earth, appointed to “dispense” the gospel to humanity. Smith believed that ancient principles, like polygamy, must be incorporated with new principles, like monogamy. Not all Mormons jumped on board the polygamy train, but many did see value in the practice. Plural marriage was a way to bring them together and give them a distinct identity, allowing them to raise their children to become “righteous seed”—since being raised with a certain belief makes you more likely to commit to it in adulthood. (There’s no hope of escaping; you’ll definitely turn into your parents.) Plural marriage also ensured that this “righteous seed” would grow into numerous descendants. And for any of you out there who think they do it all for the sex, you’re totally wrong. Some Mormon polygamists marry for eternity only, which means that the wife is only on the man’s rolls in heaven. It also means that the wife is not allowed to have sex on earth. None. Ever.
    There’s one modern practice, at least, that’s more fair when it comes to having multiple partners, and that’s polyamory, which is when people are involved in more than one intimate relationship at a time but are totally open about it. This type of relationship is not only based on love, but also honesty,