Odd Hours

laundry and ironing. Her surname suited her even better than my first name suited me, and I did not want to cause her extra work.
    The back door was locked. Among the cyclamens in the nearest bowl, in a Ziploc pill bag, Hutch kept a spare key. After retrieving the two wallets, I let myself into the house.
    Fragrant with the cinnamony aroma of chocolate-pumpkin cookies that I had baked earlier in the afternoon, brightened only by the golden glow of string lights hidden in the recessed toe kick of the cabinets, the kitchen waited warm and welcoming.
    I am no theologian. I would not be surprised, however, if Heaven proved to be a cozy kitchen, where delicious treats appeared in the oven and in the refrigerator whenever you wanted them, and where the cupboards were full of good books.
    After blotting my wet feet on the small rug, I snatched a cookie from the plate that stood on the center island, and I headed for the door to the downstairs hall.
    I intended to go upstairs with the stealth of a Ninja assassin, quickly shower, dress my head wound if it didn’t need stitches, and put on fresh clothes.
    When I was halfway across the kitchen, the swinging door opened. Hutch switched on the overhead lights, stork-walked into the room, and said, “I just saw a tsunami many hundreds of feet high.”
    “Really?” I asked. “Just now?”
    “It was in a movie.”
    “That’s a relief, sir.”
    “Uncommonly beautiful.”
    “Really?”
    “Not the wave, the woman.”
    “Woman, sir?”
    “Téa Leoni. She was in the movie.”
    He stilted to the island and took a cookie from the plate.
    “Son, did you know there’s an asteroid on a collision course with the earth?”
    “It’s always something,” I said.
    “If a large asteroid strikes land”—he took a bite of the cookie—“millions could die.”
    “Makes you wish the world was nothing but an ocean.”
    “Ah, but if it lands in the ocean, you get a tsunami perhaps a thousand feet high. Millions dead that way, too.”
    I said, “Rock and a hard place.”
    Smiling, nodding, he said, “Absolutely wonderful.”
    “Millions dead, sir?”
    “What? No, of course not. The cookie. Quite wonderful.”
    “Thank you, sir.” I raised the wrong hand to my mouth and almost bit into the two wallets.
    He said, “Soberingly profound.”
    “It’s just a cookie, sir,” I said, and took a bite of mine.
    “The possibility all of humanity could be exterminated in a single cataclysmic event.”
    “That would put a lot of search-and-rescue dogs out of work.”
    He lifted his chin, creased his brow, and drew his noble face into the expression of a man always focused on tomorrow. “I was a scientist once.”
    “What field of science, sir?”
    “Contagious disease.”
    Hutch put down his half-eaten cookie, fished a bottle of Purell from a pocket, and squeezed a large dollop of the glistening gel into the cupped palm of his left hand.
    “A terrible new strain of pneumonic plague would have wiped out civilization if not for me, Walter Pidgeon, and Marilyn Monroe.”
    “I haven’t seen that one, sir.”
    “She was marvelous as an unwitting pneumonic-plague carrier.”
    His gaze refocused from the future of science and mankind to the glob of germ-killing goop on his palm.
    “She certainly had the lungs for the role,” he said.
    Vigorously, he rubbed his long-fingered hands together, and the sanitizing gel made squishy sounds.
    “Well,” I said, “I was headed up to my room.”
    “Did you have a nice walk?”
    “Yes, sir. Very nice.”
    “A ‘constitutional’ we used to call them.”
    “That was before my time.”
    “That was before everyone’s time. My God, I am old.”
    “Not that old, sir.”
    “Compared to a redwood tree, I suppose not.”
    I hesitated to leave the kitchen, out of concern that when I started to move, he would notice that I was without shoes and pants.
    “Mr. Hutchison—”
    “Call me Hutch. Everyone calls me Hutch.”
    “Yes, sir. If anyone comes around this evening looking for me, tell them I came back from my walk very agitated, packed my things, and split.”
    The gel had evaporated; his hands were germ-free. He picked up his half-eaten cookie.
    With dismay, he said, “You’re leaving, son?”
    “No, sir. That’s just what you tell them.”
    “Will they be officers of the law?”
    “No. One might be a big guy with a chin beard.”
    “Sounds like a role for George Kennedy.”
    “Is he still alive, sir?”
    “Why not? I am. He