On A Night Like This (Callaways #1)

feeling that action would only make things worse for Sara, and he didn't want that.
    He wanted only good things for her.
    Why wasn't she attached to someone? Why wasn't she married? Why didn't she have a house full of kids by now? She was such a loving person. He'd always admired her intelligence and had known she'd do great things, but he'd never seen her as only a career woman. In fact, that was one of the reasons he'd shied away from her before. He'd felt deep down that Sara was a woman who would settle for nothing less than everything from the man she loved. And as a teenager that "everything" had been terrifying.
    It was still scary. Loving someone that much was a huge risk, a risk he'd never been willing to take. He didn't see that changing any time soon. So he would stick to women who felt the same way he did. Which meant he needed to stay away from Sara, because all morning long he'd found himself wondering what it would be like to kiss her now. Would it be as good as he remembered? Would it be better because they were older, because she wouldn't be so shy, so tentative, and he wouldn't be fast and impatient?
    He blew out a breath, desire heating up his blood and tightening his body. He needed a shower – a cold shower.
    It was not the time for his libido to spring back into action, especially not with Sara. He probably didn't need to worry. His earlier rejection had obviously stuck with her, and she wouldn't be in a hurry to give him another opportunity to push her away.
    Frowning, he wondered if the reason behind Sara's all-consuming career was an unwillingness to put her heart on the line. She'd spent her entire life trying to get her father's approval. In fact, she was still trying. And he could see more clearly now how she must have felt when he'd shoved her away all those years ago. She'd taken it as one more rejection. But he had wanted her; he just hadn't been ready for a girl like her. And he didn't think he was ready now, either.
    Damn! He did not like the direction of his thoughts.
    Moving into the bathroom, he turned on the shower, stripped off his clothes and let the icy spray cool him down. As his tension decreased, he turned the water to warm and closed his eyes.
    He wanted to think about something that wouldn't make him tense. Unfortunately, every part of his life was in turmoil. He'd thought coming home would help clear his mind, but he should have known better. His family wanted answers, and he had none to give. It had been three weeks since he'd woken up and learned that Kyle was dead, and he still didn't know what had happened. Why wouldn't his brain release the memories? There had to be something he wasn't seeing.
    It wasn't just that he wanted to be able to defend himself, although it had stung to read some of his coworkers' statements. But they had a right to their opinions. They'd put their lives on the line working under his direction. Now some of them had lost faith in him. How could he blame them? How could he go back to Redding next year and lead?
    Even the few people who supported his decisions, who were at least somewhat convinced that Kyle's death was an accident due to unforeseen fire activity, had suggested that he might want to rethink his career options. His boss had tried to spin the idea by saying it would be tough for him to come back after such a terrible loss, that he might not want to put himself in the same situation, that it wouldn't be a failure to make a change in his life.
    Hell, yes, it would be a failure. He'd lost a man on his watch, and that would never change. And not just a man, but also his best friend.
    He drew in a long, ragged breath, wondering if the pain would ever lessen. It seemed unimaginable.
    It had to be even worse for Vicky. His thoughts turned to Kyle's wife. Kyle had met Vicky in a bar in San Francisco in the off-season. It had been a whirlwind love affair. A month later, Vicky had dropped everything and moved to Redding with Kyle. They'd gotten an apartment in his building so he'd seen a lot of them. At first, it had been annoying to always have Vicky along, but Kyle was over-the-moon happy, so what could Aiden say. His friend was happier than he'd ever been.
    Aiden had been the best man at their wedding. He'd been the first one they'd told when they were going to have a baby, and he'd been in the hospital when Robbie had been born. Three months later, they'd asked him to be the godfather. He'd promised Kyle that he would always look out for