One Door From Heaven

blessed with clear blue eyes that met yours as directly as might the eyes of an angel with no reason for guile or shame, flashing a smile warm enough to enchant the sourest cynic, she was defined by one word more than any other, and the word was evil.
        For many reasons, until now Leilani had found it hard to admit that her mother wasn't just misguided, but also wretched, vile, and rotten in the heart. All these years, she'd longed for Sinsemilla's redemption, for a day when they might be at least a normal mother and a mutant daughter; but genuine evil, the pure cold stuff, couldn't be redeemed. And if you acknowledged that you'd come from evil, that you were its spawn, what were you to think about yourself, about your own dark potential, about your chances of one day leading a good, decent, useful life? What were you to think?
        As when she'd lost Luki, Leilani sat in the tortuous dual grip of fear and anguish. She trembled in recognition of the thread by which her life hung, but she also struggled to hold back tears of grief. Here, now, she surrendered forever all hope that her mother might one day be clean and straight, all hope that old Sinsemilla, once reformed, might eventually provide a mother's love. She felt stupid for having harbored that naive, impossible little dream. In the instant, a termitic loneliness ate away the core of Leilani's heart and left her hollow, shaking not only with fear, but also with a chill of utter isolation. She felt abandoned, deserted, forsaken.
        She detested the weakness in herself revealed by a tremor in her voice: "Why? Why babies, why babies at all? Just because he wants them?"
        Her mother looked up from the book, slid it across the table to Leilani, and repeated the interminable mantra that she had composed to express her satisfaction with herself when she was in a good mood: "I am a sly cat, I am a summer wind, I am birds in flight, I am the sun, I am the sea, I am me!"
        "What does that even mean?" Leilani asked.
        "It means-who else but your own mama is cool enough to bring a new human race into the world, a psychic humanity bonded to Gaea? I'll be the mother of the future, Lani, the new Eve."
        Sinsemilla believed his nonsense. Her belief imbued her face with a beatific radiance and brought a sparkle of wonder to her eyes.
        Maddoc surely wouldn't put any credence in this garbage, however, because the doom doctor wasn't moronic. Evil, yes, he had earned the right to have his towels monogrammed with that word, and he loved himself no less than Sinsemilla loved herself. But he wasn't stupid. He didn't believe that fetuses carried to term in a bath of hallucinogens were likely to be the superhuman forerunners of a new humanity. He wanted babies for his own reasons, for some enigmatic purpose that had nothing to do with being the new Adam or with a yearning for fatherhood.
        "Wizard babies by late April, early May," said Sinsemilla. "I've been knocked up close a month. I'm already a brood bitch, filled up with wizard babies that'll change the world. Their time's coming, but first you."
        "Me what?"
        "Healed, you ninny," said Sinsemilla, getting to her feet. "Made good, made right, made pretty. The only reason we've been haulin' ass from Texas to Maine to shitcan towns in Arkansas all these past four years."
        "Yeah, healed, just like Luki."
        Sinsemilla didn't hear the sarcasm. She smiled and nodded, as though she expected Luki, fully remade, to be beamed back to them at their next rest stop. "Your daddy says it'll happen soon, baby. He's got a feeling maybe in Idaho we'll meet some ETs ready for a laying-on of hands. North of a hunch, he says, and south of a vision, a real strong feeling that you'll get your healing soon."
        The brood bitch went to the refrigerator and got a beer to wash down whatever baby-shaping cactus or mushroom snacks were medically appropriate for midmorning.
        On her way back to the co-pilot's chair, she ruffled Leilani's hair. "Soon, baby, you'll go from pumpkin to princess."
        As usual, Sinsemilla got her fairy tales screwed up. The pumpkin had been transformed into Cinderella's coach. Mater was remembering the story of the frog that became a prince, not a princess.
        Hula-hula, grass skirts swishing.
        Sun god on the ceiling.
        Sinsemilla giggling in the co-pilot's chair.
        The mirror. Preston's twitchy