One Perfect Summer

vomit-stained toilet was bizarrely the most human I had felt since weeks before our wedding. And it struck me – finally – that I was married.
    And I had found Joe.
    I threw up again.
    When I was done being sick I gingerly went outside to sit on the porch overlooking the crystal clear ocean. I needed air to clear my head – even if the air was a bit muggy.
    How did Joe end up filming a kick-boxing documentary? What happened to him after we both left Dorset? Did he fall into a black hole like I did? Or did he pick himself up and move on, never to look back? I knew one thing: I had to try to speak to him. Now more than ever I needed answers. Without them I didn’t think I could give myself wholly to building a life with my new husband.
    The thought of contacting Joe ate away at me over the course of our honeymoon, but it wasn’t until we returned home that I decided to confide my intentions to Lukas. I thought honesty was the best policy – I didn’t want our marriage to be founded on deceit – but as I told him about the DVD, his stare grew harder and colder until it chilled my bones.
    ‘ If you ever try to contact him again, our marriage is over .’
    Those were the first words he said to me. I desperately tried to explain I wasn’t seeking a reunion with Joe, just some answers so I could move on, but he was resolute.
    A few days later I came home from town to find Lukas watching Strike on DVD. I’ve never seen him so jealous. When he saw my face he got to his feet and kicked the DVD player. Not the DVD, the actual player. He kicked it again and again, paying no attention to my screams as he picked it up and threw it across the room. When he’d finally stamped open the machine to find a still-intact disc he very coldly, very calmly, snapped it in two before demanding I give him my wedding ring.
    ‘No,’ I said.
    ‘Give it to me.’
    ‘No,’ I said more strongly, backing away from him as he started to come towards me. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door until he’d calmed down.
    That was three and a half years ago. So much has changed since then.
    Lukas and I bought a house in Newnham, near the city centre. He got a promotion and I continue to work as a teacher in a local school. I adore my current class, a group of six- and seven-year-olds with so much character and energy that they keep me constantly on my toes. I love children, but I’m not ready to have one of my own just yet. Unlike Lukas. He’s been talking about trying for a baby ever since Rosalinde had a son two years ago. Sometimes it feels like a competition.
    My parents are great. My dad took early retirement and has never seemed better. Mum’s latest art collection sold incredibly well and they’ve been talking about relocating to Brighton to open a B&B.
    Sadly, I can’t say the same of Lizzy’s mother. Susan’s cancer returned in force, and this time she lost her battle. Lizzy was devastated. She moved back to London to be with her father and sister in her mum’s last few months. Callum wasn’t very supportive and Lizzy finally called time on their relationship, but not before they had one last stint of make-up sex which got her pregnant. She gave birth eighteen months ago to a beautiful baby girl known as Eleanor Susan McCall, who has grown into a chubby-cheeked toddler called Ellie, with blue eyes and wavy brown curly hair like her mother’s. I try to be there for my friend as much as I can. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a child so soon after losing your mother. Just the thought of it makes a lump form in my throat. Lizzy currently lives with her father and sister at home, but is wondering if it might be time to stand on her own two feet.
    As for Jessie and Emily, their relationship is going from strength to strength. They’re in London now and I try to catch up with them when I can, which isn’t as often as I’d like. Jessie tried to ring me a couple of times over Christmas, but I still haven’t had a chance to return his calls.
    Frieda did get married, and her wedding was even more spectacular than ours. I shouldn’t admit it, but I enjoyed it more. I still don’t feel at ease in Lukas’s house, but it’s better now that we’re married. At least we’re allowed to sleep in the same room. We went there for Christmas and Markus announced that Eva is pregnant with their third baby. This gave Lukas another excuse to pile on the pressure. But I’m not ready. Not yet.
    ‘Be careful, Bennie.’