Page from a Tennessee Journal (AmazonEncore Edition)

care of my children. I knows it’s best to stay breathin’ so I can look after Annalaura though she can’t never know it.” At the sound of his voice, the horse quieted. “But, Lord, I is weak. A better man than me would say nothin’, do nothin’ that would bring harm to his family. But I ain’t got that kind of strength in me, Lord. I can’t stand by and let another man soil my wife.” His throat felt raw, scratchy, from the retching and the shouting to the sky. “I know that because I can’t turn it loose, more’n me will die. Lord, I prays you will show me a way to make it all go quick for them.” The tears broke through like a spring river flowing over an earthen dam. “I don’t care nothin’ ’bout myself. Ain’t no torture night riders can put on me worse than this hell I’m already in. To spare them the fright, if it be Yo’ will, Lord, I will shoot Annalaura and all of my children in the head befo’ the night riders get to them to spare them the fright. I just prays fo’ you to show me the way.”
    John didn’t know how long he lay there, but when he finally came to himself, he saw the sun filtering through the tree branches. It was directly overhead. As slow as though he carried the chains of his slave ancestors, he moved to his feet. He knew what he had to do and when. He was finally ready.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
     
    Alex dug his heels into the gray. Only when the horse failed to quicken his pace did he come back from his daydream. Out of habit, he looked at the sky. The sun told him he had one more hour of daylight. No wonder the animal could not give him what he’d asked. Since dawn’s light, when he left Rebecca’s cabin, and Laura, he’d ridden the animal hard. Alex eased up on the reins. He patted the horse’s neck. There was no rush to hurry home. Nothing there but Eula Mae. And the cradle, of course. That rush of pleasure that thundered up from his gut when he least expected it washed over him again. Ever since she, his Laura, had agreed to move in with him, Alex had struggled not to let his excitement show in front of the other farmers. That’s why he’d ridden the gray all the way to Clarksville. To Clarksville, where he could buy clothes and toys for his baby, and even pretties for his Laura. All without too many prying eyes. His smile broadened. It felt good to his soul to realize that he had just become a father. And, better yet, his baby and her mother would soon be under his roof. Now, away from peeping eyes, it was all right to grin all the way home. He felt like he had just brought in the biggest cash crop in the whole of Tennessee.
     
     
    John mounted his rented horse, his stomach still cramping from all the retching he’d done. He aimed the animal up the road. As he settled himself on the broke-down horse he’d paid a pretty penny just to rent, he shook his head. What foolishness was he thinking? What did money mean to him or to any of them now? He had to do what must be done. He slid his hand into his overalls pocket—his old work clothes. He’d dug them out special this morning. It wouldn’t do for a Lawnover colored man to be seen wearing city slicker clothes. Not this day. John reached a hand inside the pocket and pulled out the pistol. He held it by the hard metal butt. He’d wanted a fancier revolver, of course, but at the time he bought it, there had been no money for such frippery. Back then, in his early days in Nashville, he’d scraped together every penny just to get by. Twenty acres. That’s what he’d wanted. Twenty acres to make a stab at earning a decent living for his children and…Annalaura. The gall clambered to his throat again, and he pulled up on the horse. He looked at the sun as he dismounted. There was still time. He just had to sort out the order. With planting season just starting, McNaughton wouldn’t be getting home ’til dusk. And here it was, a good hour left of daylight.
     
     
    The gray bobbed his head like he was saying his thanks to Alex for slowing the pace. Alex rubbed the horse’s flank. No harm in letting the animal take a break. He spotted the old oak that told him home was just two miles away. He led the animal off the road. There was a tiny spring just a quarter mile distant. Let the horse have a drink. Besides, he supposed he could use the time to figure out the sleeping accommodations once he got Laura to his house. There was that spare room, upstairs next to where he and Eula slept. His wife used that