PI On A Hot Tin Roof

a law against saying dumb stuff. If one more person mentioned the “see-food diet” to her, she was going to have to smack him. That “attention” thing was just about as bad.
    “I just wanted to welcome y’all all here and let you know that Zulu came early this year. Look what I got!” He held up a coconut decorated with gilt and glitter and feathers and one other thing.
    Zulu, the most venerable and far the most colorful black krewe, traditionally parades on Mardi Gras morning, hence the “early” part. The coconut was a reference to the most prized throws of the season, the krewe’s decorated coconuts. And the other thing on the coconut was a name, spelled out in glittery letters: kristin.
    “Looks like this is for my good friend, Kristin LaGarde. Honey, would you come here and get your present?”
    Kristin, dressed like Lucy in a short skirt, had topped the skirt with a rose-colored sweater that picked up the color in her cheeks. She looked like a movie star at play. “Buddy, you shouldn’t have,” she cooed, slinking forward to receive her prize.
    “Hey, let’s make sure everybody’s here—Lucy, where are ya? Royce and Suzanne?
    “And there’s Adele over there. Come here, y’all, and check this out. Lucy, ya got ya camera on?” He turned back to Kristin. “It’s a magic coconut, honey; it opens up like a box.”
    Kristin looked up at him quizzically and then pulled at both ends of the coconut. Nothing happened.
    “You’ve got to twist it.”
    She gave it a dainty twist, then a harder one, and the two halves came apart. One half had been fitted out with a little center-slit black velvet cushion, the sort used to display rings. And it did display a ring, set with an emerald-cut diamond the size of a knuckle.
    “How ya like that?” Buddy asked.
    The crowd had begin to ooh and ah and buzz.
    Kristin seemed to have lost the power of speech.
    “Kristin LaGarde,” Buddy said, “will you be my wife?”
    And the corporate vice president squealed like a sorority girl. Then, throwing herself around his neck, she spoke huskily, choked with tears. “I can’t believe it! You mean it, Buddy?”
    “Never meant anything more, sweetheart. It’s a cold world out there. I finally found out what makes a house a home and I gotta make sure she’s gon’ stick around. By the way, you accept, or what?”
    Kristin had stepped away from him, eyes wet. “I thought I was going to have to ask you.”
    “Okay, folks! We got a meetin’ of the minds, and we’re headin’ for a weddin’!” He planted a big one on his intended. “Want to try the ring on?”
    She nodded, and someone stepped forward to offer a tissue for her tears. Delicately, she held out her hand, amid the requisite cheers and applause, as Buddy slipped the ring on.
    Once again, she hugged the groom-to-be, who kissed her again and broke off to say, “Does this mean we can go on ahead and do it now? How ’bout if you quit your grinnin’ and drop your linen—right about now?” A shocked silence fell, broken by nervous titters.
    Kristin blushed. “It’s going to be uphill work civilizing you.” At that, the cheering began again, and a man stepped out of the crowd, one about Buddy’s age, but much better looking. He was tall and prematurely white-haired, with a longish face; very distinguished looking. He wore a striped shirt and khakis.
    “Let me be the first to congratulate my little girl!”
    Kristin fell upon him and clung. “Daddy, I’m so happy!”
    Warren LaGarde, Talba realized. After him came a woman who looked to be even younger than Kristin, and resembled her. After she’d hugged the bride-to-be, she leaned possessively against LaGarde, who put an arm around her. Talba saw that she wore a ring much like Kristin’s and a gold band as well. Apparently, the May-September thing ran in the family.
    “Lucy, where are ya?” Buddy said. “Let’s get everybody up here. Hey, Adele, Royce, Suzanne, let’s pose for our first official family video.”
    Lucy was in her element. She’d captured the whole coconut thing on tape, and she was still at it, Raisa at her heels, her tiny face lit with excitement. Both girls looked happier than Talba had ever seen either one of them.
    But as the family came forward for an engagement toast, Talba noticed that the LaGardes’ smiles seemed tense and forced. Royce raised a go-cup no doubt filled with beer, but his hand was shaking. Suzanne looked as if she might bite, but managed to