Practical Demonkeeping

barnyard was deserted except for a few chickens. I could hear the two dairy cows mooing in the barn when they should have already been milked and put out to pasture.
    “I had no idea what I would tell my parents. I hadn’t thought about what I would do when I got home, only that I wanted to get there.
    “I ran in the back door expecting to find my mother in the kitchen, but she wasn’t there. My family rarely left the farm, and they certainly wouldn’t have gone anywhere without taking care of the animals first. My first thought was that there had been an accident. Perhaps my father had fallen from the tractor and they had taken him to the hospital in Clarion. I ran to the front of the house. My father’s wagon was tied up out front.
    “I bolted through the house, shouting into every room, but there was no one home. I found myself standing on the front porch, wondering what to do next, when I heard his voice from behind me.
    “‘You can’t run from me,’ Catch said.
    “I turned. He was sitting on the porch swing, dangling his feet in the air. I was afraid, but I was also angry.
    “‘Where is my family?!’ I screamed.
    “He patted his stomach. ‘Gone,’ he said.
    “‘What have you done with them?’ I said.
    “‘They’re gone forever,’ he said. ‘I ate them.’
    “I was enraged. I grabbed the porch swing and pushed it with everything I had. The swing banged against the porch rail and Catch went over the edge into the dirt.
    “My father kept a chopping block and an ax in front of the house for splitting kindling. I jumped off the porch and snatched up the ax. Catch was just picking himself up when I him in the forehead with it. Sparks flew and the ax blade bounced off his head as if it had hit cast iron. Before I knew it I was on my back and Catch was sitting on my chest grinning like the demon in that Fuselli painting, The Nightmare . He didn’t seem at all angry. I flailed under him but could not get up.
    “‘Look,’ he said, ‘this is silly. You called me up to do a job and I did it, so what’s all the commotion about? By the way, you would have loved it. I clipped the priest’s hamstrings and watched him crawl around begging for a while. I really like eating priests, they’re always convinced that the Creator is testing them.’
    “‘You killed my family!’ I said. I was still trying to free myself.
    “‘Well, that sort of thing happens when you run away. It’s all your fault; if you didn’t want the responsibility, you shouldn’t have called me up. You knew what you were getting into when you renounced the Creator.’
    “‘But I didn’t,’ I protested. Then I remembered my curses in the chapel. I had renounced God. ‘I didn’t know,’ I said.
    “‘Well, if you’re going to be a weenie about it, I’ll fill you in on the rules,’ he said. ‘First, you can’t run away from me. You called me up and I am more or less your servant forever. When I say forever, I mean forever. You are not going to age, and you are not going to be sick. The second thing you need to know is that I am immortal. You whack me with axes all you want and all you’ll get is a dull ax and a sore back, so just save your energy. Third, I am Catch. They call me the destroyer, and that’s what I do. With my help you can rule the world and other really swell stuff. In the past my masters haven’t used me to the best advantage, but you might be the exception, although I doubt it. Fourth, when I’m in this form, you are the only one who can see me. When I take on my destroyer form, I am visible to everyone. It’s stupid, and why it’s that way is a long story, but that’s the way it is. In the past they decided to keep me a secret, but there’s no rule about it.’
    “He paused and climbed off my chest. I got to my feet and dusted myself off. My head was spinning with what Catch had told me. I had no way of knowing whether he was telling the truth, but I had nothing else to go on. When you encounter the supernatural, your mind searches for an explanation. I’d had the explanation laid in my lap, but I didn’t want to believe it.
    “I said, ‘So you’re from hell?’ I know it was a stupid question, but even a seminary education doesn’t prepare you for a conversation with a demon.
    “‘No,’ he said, ‘I’m from Paradise.’
    “‘You’re lying,’ I said. It was the beginning of a string of lies and misdirections that have gone on for seventy years.
    “He said, ‘No,