Private Scandals

any time, under any circumstances, is frightening.” Deanna wanted her audience to remember that. “How old were you?”
    “I was seventeen. I had, as you know, Dee, a supportive family, a good home. I’d just begun my modeling career, and I thought the world was at my feet. Then I discovered I was pregnant.”
    “The father? Do you want to talk about him?”
    “Was a nice, sweet boy who was every bit as terrified as I. He was my first.” She smiled a little now, remembering him. “I was his. We were dazzled by each other, by what we felt for each other. When I told him, we just sat there, numb. We were in LA, and we’d gone to the beach. We sat there and watched the surf. He offered to marry me.”
    “Some people might feel that would have been the answer. You didn’t?”
    “Not for me, or the boy, or the child.” Kate continued, using all of her skill to keep her voice level. “Do you remember the way we used to talk about what we wanted to do when we grew up?”
    “Yes. I do.” Deanna linked her fingers with Kate’s. “You never had any doubts.”
    “I’d always wanted to be an actress. I’d made some progress modeling, and I was going to conquer Hollywood come hell or high water. Then I was pregnant.”
    “Did you consider abortion? Discuss the option with the father, with your family?”
    “Yes, I did. As difficult as it was, Dee, I remember how supportive my parents were. I’d hurt them, disappointed them. I didn’t realize how much until I was older and had some perspective. But they never wavered. I can’t explain to you why I decided the way I did. It was a purely emotional decision, but I think my parents’ unflagging support helped me make it. I decided to have the baby and give it away. And I didn’t know, not until it came time to do just that, how hard it would be.”
    “Do you know who adopted the baby?”
    “No.” Kate dashed a tear away. “No, I didn’t want to know. I’d made a deal. I had chosen to give the child to people who would love and care for it. And it wasn’t my baby any longer, but theirs. She would be ten years old now, nearly eleven.” Eyes swimming, she looked toward the camera. “I hope she’s happy. I hope she doesn’t hate me.”
    “Thousands of women face what you faced. Each choice they make is theirs to make, however difficult it is. I think one of the reasons you play admirable, accessible women so well is that you’ve been through the hardest test a woman can face.”
    “When I played Tess, I wondered how everything would have worked out if I’d chosen differently. I’ll never know.”
    “Do you regret your choice?”
    “A part of me always will regret I couldn’t be a mother to that child. But I think I’ve finally realized, after all these years, that it really was the right one. For everybody.”
    “We’ll be back in a moment,” Deanna said to the camera, then turned to Kate. “Are you all right?”
    “Barely. I didn’t think it would be so hard.” She took two deep breaths, but kept her eyes on Deanna rather than look out at the audience. “The questions are going to come fast and furious. And God, the press tomorrow.”
    “You’ll get through it.”
    “Yes, I will. Dee.” She leaned forward and gripped Deanna’s hand. “It meant a lot to me, to be able to dothis here, with you. It seemed, for a minute or two, as if I were just talking to you. The way we used to.”
    “Then maybe this time you’ll keep in touch.”
    “Yeah, I will. You know, I realized while I was talking why I hated Angela so much. I thought it was because she was using me. But it was because she was using my baby. It helps knowing that.”
     
    “Hell of a show.” Fran fisted her hands on her hips as Deanna walked into the dressing room. “You knew. I could tell you knew. Why the hell didn’t you tell me? Me, your producer and your best friend.”
    “Because I wasn’t sure she’d go through with it.” The strain of the past hour had Deanna’s shoulders aching. Rolling them in slow circles, she went directly to the lighted mirror to change makeup. Fran was miffed. She understood that, expected it. Just as she understood and expected it would wear off quickly. “And I didn’t feel it was right to talk about it until she did. Give me a gauge on audience reaction, Fran.”
    “After the shock waves died off? I’d say about sixty-five percent were in her corner, maybe ten percent never got past the stunned stage, and the remaining