Prodigy

up—I’d been trying to figure out a good way to approach the subject, and now I don’t have to. Still, my pulse quickens and I find myself feeling as nervous as I feared. Maybe he’s upset that I didn’t mention it right away. “How much have you already heard?” I ask as he comes over to sit beside me. His knee gently grazes my thigh. Even this light touch sends butterflies dancing in my stomach. I glance at his face to see if he did it on purpose, but Day’s lips are drawn into an uncomfortable line, as if he knows where he’s going to take this conversation but doesn’t want to do it.
    “I heard through the grapevine that you’d have to shadow Anden’s every step, yeah? You’d train to become his Princeps. That all true?”
    I sigh, slump my shoulders, and let my head sink into my hands. Hearing Day say this makes me feel the gravity of the commitment I’d have to make. Of course I understand the practical reasons why Anden would tap me for this—I hope I
am
someone who can help transform the Republic. All of my military training, everything Metias ever told me—I
know
I’m a good fit for the Republic’s government. But . . . “Yes, all true,” I reply, then add hastily, “It’s not a marriage proposal—nothing like that. It’s a professional position, and I’d be one of several competing for the position. But it’d mean weeks . . . well . . .
months
away at a time. Away from . . .”
Away from you,
I want to say. But it sounds too cheesy, and I decide not to finish the sentence. Instead, I give him all the details that have been running through my mind. I tell him about the grueling schedule of a Princeps-Elect, how I’d plan to give myself breathing room if I were to agree to it all, that I’m unsure how much of myself I want to give to the Republic. After a while I know I’ve started rambling, but it feels so good to get everything off my chest, to bare my troubles to the boy I care about, that I don’t try to stop myself. If anyone in my life deserves to hear everything, it’s Day.
    “I don’t know what to tell Anden,” I finish. “He hasn’t pressured me, but I need to give him an answer soon.”
    Day doesn’t reply. My flood of words hangs in the silence between us. I can’t describe the emotion on his face—something lost, something ripped from his gaze and strewn across the floor. A deep, quiet sadness that tears me apart. What’s going through Day’s mind? Does he believe me? Does he think, like I did when I first heard it, that Anden is offering this because of a personal interest in me? Is he sad because it would mean ten years of barely seeing each other? I watch him and wait, trying to anticipate what he’ll say. Of course he’s going to be unhappy with the idea, of course he’ll protest. I’m not happy myself with—
    Day suddenly speaks up. “Take the offer,” he murmurs.
    I lean toward him, because I don’t think I heard him correctly. “What?”
    Day studies me carefully. His hand twitches a little, as if he wants to lift it and touch my cheek. Instead, it stays at his side. “I came here to tell you to take his offer,” he repeats softly.
    I blink. My throat hurts; my vision swims in a haze of light. That can’t be the right response—I had expected a dozen different answers from Day except for that one. Or perhaps it’s not his answer that shocks me so much as the
way
he said it. Like he’s letting go. I stare at him for a moment, wondering if I’ve imagined it. But his expression—sad, distant—stays the same. I turn away and shift to the edge of the couch, and through the numbness in my mind I can only remember to whisper, “Why?”
    “Why
not
?” Day asks. His voice is detached, crumpled like a dead flower.
    I don’t understand. Maybe he’s being sarcastic. Or maybe he’s going to say that he still wants to find a way to be together. But he doesn’t add anything else to his answer.
Why would he ask me to accept this offer?
I’d thought he would be so happy that all this was finally over, that we could try our hand at some semblance of normal life again, whatever that is. It’d be so easy for me to figure out some compromise with Anden’s offer, or even to just turn it down altogether. Why didn’t he suggest
that
? I thought Day was the more emotional of the two of us.
    Day smiles bitterly when I don’t respond right away. We sit with our hands separated, letting the world hang heavily between us, hearing the seconds tick