Public Secrets

up, okay? I don’t want you to forget about what happened between you and Latimer. I want you to be able to live with it, but I hope to Christ you never forget it.”
“I won’t.”
“Neither will I.” He stood then to cross to her. Outside the rain was whipped by the wind, battering windows. “I’ll remember everything he did to you. And there’ll be times when I’ll wish he was still alive so I could kill him myself. But I’ll also remember that you pulled yourself out of it. You took a stand, and you survived. Weak?” He lifted a fingertip to trace the faint scar under her jawline. “Do you really believe I think you’re weak? I saw what he did to you that day. I’ll always be able to see it. You didn’t let him plow you under, Emma.”
“No, and I won’t let anyone take control of my life again.”
“I’m not your father.” He spit out the words as he gripped her shoulders. “And I’m not Latimer. I don’t want to control your life, I just want to be part of it.”
“I don’t know what I want.” She lifted her hands to cover his. “I keep coming back to you, and it’s frightening because I can’t stop. I don’t want to need you this way.”
“Dammit, Emma—” When the phone rang, he swore again.
“It’s for you,” she said, holding out the receiver.

“Yeah?” He picked up his cigarettes, then paused. “Where? Twenty minutes,” he said and hung up. “I’ve got to go.” He was already pulling on his jeans.
She only nodded. Someone was dead. She could see it on his face.
“We’re not finished here, Emma.”
“No.”
He shouldered on his gun. ’I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Michael.” She didn’t know what she wanted to say. Instead, she went with instinct and put her arms around him. “Goodbye.”
She couldn’t settle once he’d gone. The rain was coming in sheets now. She could barely see the ocean through it, but she could hear the waves crashing. She found it soothing, the gray light, the sound of water. It was cool enough to start a fire from the stack of split oak in the woodbox. Once it was blazing, she called the airport to arrange for her luggage to be delivered.
It occurred to her that it was the first time she was completely alone in the house, a house she was considering making her own. After brewing tea, she wandered through it, sipping. If she did buy it, remodeling would be essential. There was a room off the kitchen that could be enlarged for a studio. The light was good. Or was, she thought, when there was sun.
There were three bedrooms upstairs, all large and lofty. An impractical amount of space perhaps, but she liked having it. She could make it her own. Thoughtful, she glanced at her watch. It would be worth a call to the real estate agent. Before she could pick up the phone, it rang.
“Emma?”
“Da.” She sat on the arm of the sofa.
“I just wanted to see if you’d gotten there.”
“Everything’s fine. How are you?”
“A little crazed at the moment. We’re recording. We’ll be breaking off to come out to the Coast.”
“Da, I told you, I’m fine. It really isn’t necessary for you to come all this way.”
“I’d like to see you for myself, plus we’re up for three Grammys.”
She broke off her objections. “Of course. Congratulations.”
“We figured we’d show up in force. You’ll come along, won’t you?”
“I’d love to.”

“I thought you might like to ask Michael. Pete’s arranging the tickets.”
“I will.” She remembered the way he’d looked when he’d strapped on his gun. “He may be busy.”
“Check it out. We’ll be coming in at the end of the week for rehearsals. Pete got a request for you to be one of the presenters. He asked me to pass it along.”
“I don’t know.”
“It would mean a lot to me, Emma, having you make the announcement if Johnno and I cop song of the year.”
She smiled. “And if you don’t, I can read your names anyway.”
“That’s the way. You’ll take care of yourself, won’t you?”
“Yes, and that’s something I wanted to speak to you about.” She shifted the phone to her other ear. “Da, I don’t want the bodyguard. I fully intend to take care of myself, so call him off.”
“What bodyguard?”
“The one you hired before I left London.”
“I didn’t hire anyone, Emma.”
“Look I—” She broke off. He often hid things from her, but he never lied. “You didn’t arrange for someone to follow me, look out for me?”
“No. It didn’t occur